A cell phone rings in the middle of the night...

(groggily) Hello?
(whispering) B...is that you, dude?
Lenny? Why are you whispering?
Dude, they locked me in Roy Halladay's foot locker. I had to hide my cell phone in my butt...
What? Len, what are you talking about?
It's payback for today's game...they told me I need to smell the stink of a real major league pitcher. Man, I'm gonna yack soon!
It was one bad game, dude, shake it off. Look at me. Last year I was a mediocre pitcher with a mediocre cd out...this year I'm the Ace of the team. Go figure.
B, my ERA is almost EIGHT! Boomer isn't coming back and my next start is going to be against Tampa Bay...TAMPA BAY, man!
Lenny, Tampa Bay is the worst team in the league.
Yeah, but they play in a domed stadium...just like the Blue Jays....
Lenny, you didn't have a bad game because you were under a dome...you had a bad game because you suck.
Bronson!
Dude, I'm sorry but it's true. You're cute, but you suck. You sucked last year, you sucked in 2004, hell the only reason you have that World Series Championship ring is because I talked Theo into keeping you around. Now that I'm not there...dude, your days are numbered.
But, B...
Listen, Len, I have to go...Dave Weathers is taking me to an early breakfast...
Dave Weathers???? Bronson he's like a hundred years old.
Thirty-seven. But so what? His ERA is under four...and he has a bitchin' car!
Bronson, wait...how do I get out of Roy Halladay's foot locker? How do I get everyone to love me again???
Dude...I got my ass shipped to friggin' Cincinnati...how the hell would I know?
(sighs and hangs up the phone)

Edited to add props (or apologies) to Surviving Grady and The Dugout.