Thursday, January 10, 2008

You had to know a phone call was coming

(Groggily) Mmmm?
Bronson, it's Lenny. Did I wake you up?
(Still groggy) Mmmmhmmm.
Dude! It's three-o'clock in the afternoon!
What's your point?
Whatever...I have a question.
Make it fast, Len, I didn't sleep the entire time I was in Boston...
Uh, yeah, Boston was what I wanted to ask you about. I don't know how to say this so, oh what the hell...Bronson, are you high?
Loaded question, bro.

Aw, that? Dude, I explained that! It was a JOKE. I sang about getting out of Cincinnati and going back to Boston. Get it?
Do you want to get out of Cincinnati and go back to Boston?
Then, dude, it isn't a joke, it's the truth. And it's really unfair to all the fans in Cincinnati. You're the number two starter there, B. You need to start focusing on being a Reds player and stop obsessing on being a Red SOX player. That ship has sailed, dude. That ship has sailed. The Cincinnati fans love you. You need to love them back.
Are you thinking about the Cincinnati fans?
Do you think I could get the Cincinnati fans to talk Theo into bringing me back?
I gotta go, Bron. I'll talk to you in April.

:weeps: Oh man! I really miss Boston too!

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Dear Youk

Let's see, where do I begin?

Oh, wait, I know...

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Seriously? I need to know.

I think it's wonderful that you're out and about, looking for new charitable endeavors to support.

But an energy drink called "SlumpBuster"? With the tag line “Take Down a SlumpBuster”?

Are you out of your freakish head? Do you not realize how many baseball fans, how many RED SOX FANS are women?

And do you not realize that, if not for your ability to play baseball, in some circles YOU'D be considered a 'slump buster'?

How is it possible that, in 2008, you are so far behind the times that you looked at this idea and thought "Great! I want to be associated with a practice that humiliates and demeans women! Sign me up!"?

I expected better from you. I'm sorely disappointed. It was a group of women fans who started "DoKY", so you know there are women out there who support you. This is a slap in the face to all of us.

That number 20 t-shirt of mine is going right in the trash.


*This letter represents Beazer's views only and isn't intended to speak for all the Sistahs.