The Triumphant Red Sox Fan's and Beazer's Ride to Fenway Today

(Photo from Howard David Johnson)

A Perfect Ending

Sunday night I finally had a chance to actually watch an entire Red Sox game without falling asleep and I find myself yelling at the TV in the eighth inning as I watch the bull pen let Schilling's great outing start slip sliding away. Then Jonathan Papelbon runs to the mound and seeing his display of confidence makes it impossible not to believe that he will deliver us from evil. Fifteen pitches later and Paps has stopped the bleeding and the Sox have taken one from those pesky Rangers.

Jonathan has been able to wipe away my pent up frustration at ESPN airing the game later than I like and having to listen to Joe Morgan with such an economy of pitches, it has made me absolutely giddy. I live for this.

The first weeks schedule of so many day games and then late games has been less than ideal. Now the weather looks like it will not be very cooperative in the opening week at Fenway but I can live with it all now that I've seen that Jonathan is back as our closer and better than ever. He is a force to be reckoned with and I'm so happy he is one of the Red Sox 25.

Also to be noted is that this is the 40th anniversary of the 1967 team also known as the "cardiac kids". That was the year I fell head over heals over the Red Sox and have been hooked ever since. It would be cool if our 2007 team can bring us some of that same excitement that we had in 1967. I only hope my aging heart can take it. I'm more than willing to give it a shot.

A Question from Tim Wakefield to his Teammates

Is it so damned terrible to ask for a little run support before I die?

(Photo from "Mr. Versatility: The Tim Wakefield Fan Page")

It's a Strong Man's Game

Leave it to Big Papi to come up with the ultimate t-shirt. Alot of people I know think baseball is boring....plain boring they say. Many innings go by without anything happening. But I say that is where Papi's tshirt saying comes in. Baseball takes patience...something not alot of men (no offense) have. SO baseball IS a Strong Man's Game...takes alot of patience and strong willed attitudes to get through men batting just to ground or fly out. Knowing that one of those hits will result in a grand slam, inside the park homer or a walk-off....is worth the wait. Big Papi has the right idea...he understands...it just takes patience.

Well I've been waiting since October....and I'm ready for baseball. I'm ready for the boys to play. I'm ready for Opening Day in Texas where Wake will take the ball. I'm ready for a new season....I think Dice-K was asked about the upcoming season...

His Response? "I'm Ready..."

nuff said....Let the Games Begin!

Goodbye boys!

Yesterday started out for me like many other days. I went out for my morning walk at 8 a.m. When I got home I didn't change out of my walking clothes, didn't shower, didn't fix my hair, didn't put on any make-up and didn't brush my teeth. Aren't you glad you weren't with me yesterday? I didn't realize until my sister (affectionately known as SoxCruiser around here) called me at 5 p.m. and asked how I was that I realized I was feeling a bit depressed.

You see, I'm a spring training season ticket holder and I attended my last game of the spring on Thursday. Most people look forward to the end of spring training and the beginning of a new season but it means I don't get to spend any more gorgeous days sitting in the stands at City of Palms Park watching my favorite team play baseball. I like to get there for the National Anthem and I don't leave until they are playing Dirty Water or the song with the words "so you had a bad day". I don't know who sings it or the name of the song but that's what they play at COPP when the Sox lose....or even if they end in a tie like they did on Thursday.

I love to watch all the new guys who have joined the Red Sox in the off season and all the minor leaguers who get the chance to play with the major leaguers. Every spring for the last 3 years I wait for the appearance of Iggy Suarez. I saw him get his first hit at COPP and he was so excited he stayed around to sign autographs after the game. This year he didn't come into a game until the last couple of games. He's listed on the roster for the Lancaster JetHawks (A) who used to be located in Wilmington, Delaware. Forget keeping track of the players, I can't even keep track of where the teams are playing from year to year.

Usually I can look forward to a trip up to Tropicana Field to watch the Sox in April or May but this year the Sox aren't heading back south until the end of July! By that time I will have made my pilgrimage up to Fenway in the middle of July. So, for now, I'll put away my Sox earrings, my "B" necklace, my "B" sneakers, and my two jerseys (Schilling and Matsuzaka) until July. On Monday, April 2 my depression will lift as another exciting season of baseball begins. I have a good feeling about this year but I say that every year. This year the Sox won more games in spring training since 2004. They Sox also won the Mayor's Cup this year. The Sox and Twins play each other 5 times during spring training and the team who wins the most games wins the Mayor's Cup. The last time the Sox won the Mayor's Cup.....2004. These are signs of good things to come this year.

Go Sox in 2007!

What's he selling now?

Pete Rose doesn't have a new book to sell, so why - all of a sudden - does he go on the Dan Patrick Show today and admit that, not only did he bet on baseball, he bet on the Reds - "every night".

Is he so thoroughly stupid that he thinks admitting this now will bring MLB and the fans who don't want to see his face on a plaque at the Baseball Hall of Fame around?

I've maintained all along that if Rose was the derelict gambler he was proven to be, there was no way he didn't bet on the Reds while he was managing them. That alone is a good enough reason for me to NOT put his mug in the Hall of Fame.

A commenter to the story I linked to called Rose a "pathological liar". I have to agree. For years he refused to acknowledge he gambled. Then he admitted to gambling when it was going to make him money (through book sales) and now he's admitting to betting on the Reds during an interview with Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann. What's in it for him this time?

"Everything should be for the fans", Rose said when talking about letting him back into baseball. So he would get nothing from being reinstated...it would all be to make the fans happy.

That sound you hear is Sox Sistah Booklady's head exploding.

Apparently the only benefit Rose wants to enjoy by being allowed back into MLB, is being a manager again. Out of every benefit he could gain, that is the one that bothers me the most. A gambler (in essence, a cheater) a liar...why would we want that man shaping the lives of young players?

On a totally personal and biased note, the man turn my stomach. I hope deeply that this man is never allowed back into Major League Baseball. With all the problems MLB has been having, bringing Rose back into the loop will only serve to push fans away with it being more proof that the commissioner has no concern for what is truly good for baseball.

I hope Rose lives a long and miserable life and never sees the day when he's allowed back into the MLB fold.

Top Ten Reasons Why Manny will be Late to Spring Training

Courtesy of good friend and honorary-sistah-for-the-day, TruBluSoxFan. (NOTE: For those who don't already know, Tru is actually a brothah.)

10. Manny doesn't use the Gregorian calendar.

9. Julian said it would be funny.

8. Manny fell asleep inside his Green Monster repro.

7. Manny hyper-extended his index finger practicing "the point."

6. "Petey called and got me all confused. Again."

5. He strained his right hammy on his left knee.

4. Manny can't decide what hair style to wear this season.

3. "I don't know how to program my new Tom Tom for Ft. Myers."

2. "I'm getting a note from Genske; he said it worked before."

1. "No way the new Japanese dude upsets my entrance."

Rally Against Cancer

Many of the sistahs have personal experience with the Jimmy Fund and Dana Farber. Because of this along with their connection to the Red Sox, we try our best to support Dana Farber and the Jimmy Fund any chance we get.

So when we received an email about the "Rally Against Cancer Day", we decided to start a 'team' to support the Jimmy Fund.

We've set the bar at $500 for donations we'd like to raise - but will be thrilled if we surpass that.

The details of the 'competition', straight from the Jimmy Fund's website:

Join Kevin Youkilis, Red Sox Nation and your colleagues in battling cancer by participating in Rally Against Cancer Day on April 10th. Your participation in this program is critical and simple. I would like to invite you to join our team by giving $5 to the Jimmy Fund and, in return, you will be able to wear your favorite Red Sox apparel to work on Opening Day. Not everyone can be at Fenway Park on April 10th, but this is a great way for you to join your colleagues in showing support for the Red Sox, while rallying to help the life-saving mission of the Jimmy Fund.

To join our team, simply log on here. Once there, join our team by selecting the ‘Start or Join a team’ option. Our team is listed as Sox Sistahs (or you can go directly here to see our page.The team that raises the most money will be paid a visit from Kevin Youkilis himself, so join and spread the word about this great event with a great cause!

Okay, so we aren't sure how a visit from Youk would work out if our team DOES win, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there!

Thanks for the support!

If Beazer Writes a Phone Call about This, I'm Gonna Smack Her

Farewell, Lenny.

Dear Lenny, sexy Lenny, guitar playing Lenny, "Do Me Lenny."

Rule 5 Lenny, lefty out of the 'pen Lenny, 7.85 ERA in '06 Lenny, still has a World Series ring Lenny.

Favorite of the sistahs Lenny, gets no respect from Beazer Lenny, just friends with Bronson Lenny.

A haiku for Lenny:

Though heading westward
Lenny will forever be
Object of my lust

It just won't be the same without him.

But Who's That Other Guy?

(I posted this earlier on the Triumphant Red Sox Blog but thought it would fit over here, too.

It's a warm Tuesday in Fort Myers. All eyes (and cameras) are on Daisuke Matsuzaka as the new multi-billion-yen pitcher arrives at the Red Sox' training complex for the first time. The frenzied media capture his every move, his every gesture. Here's Daisuke, Nike duffel in hand, walking from his black Cadillac to the clubhouse. Here's Daisuke talking to some of the staff. Daisuke stretching his arm. Daisuke stretching his hammy. Daisuke running, throwing, smiling, laughing. It's The Daisuke Show, the 26-year-old righty and an audience of a hundred or so of his closest media buddies.

Wait a minute, there is one picture that shows someone else. Clearly, there is some mistake. That guy isn't famous. No one recognizes him. Is he a player? He looks about 16. A clubhouse boy, maybe? The guy who sweeps the sunflower shells out of the dugout after everyone is gone?

No, it's Matsuzaka's unlikely co-star in the spectacle, catcher George Kottaras, who according to the Boston Globe's Gordon Edes was tapped with no notice or fanfare to play catch with the newcomer. Timing is everything, and today Kottaras is the guy who walks into a Hollywood coffee shop and gets discovered by a television director looking for just the right face. The guy who stops at the convenience store on the way home to pick up a gallon of milk and, hey, while he's there, buys a lottery quick-pick that comes up a winner the next day. The guy who, in too much of a rush coming out of the hotel elevator, bumps into the woman of his dreams.

Yesterday, Kottaras had been working all morning on catching drills with Gary Tuck, the new Sox bullpen coach, when Edward "Pookie" Jackson, one of the Sox clubhouse men, stuck in his head and said Matsuzaka was looking for someone to play catch with.

"'OK,' I said," Kottaras said. "'It doesn't matter. I'll do it.'"

Way to play it cool, George.

They stretched, Matsuzaka did some light jogging and twists, and then he grabbed a ball and trotted 20 yards or so from Kottaras. Originally, that was supposed to be the media's cue to depart; Matsuzaka had conveyed to the Sox that he wanted his first game of catch to be private. But, evidently, he relented, because for the next 10 minutes or so, a ball passed back and forth between the two rookies — the catcher making the big league minimum, the pitcher with a $103 million price tag hanging from his sleeve. Kottaras said the sound of whirring cameras never stopped.

And that is the beauty of spring training. The superstar works alongside the guy with "upside" (translation: the hope that great potential will someday be fulfilled). It hardly matters that the gulf between them is millions of dollars, the difference between every media member knowing your name versus having to ask the security guy who that skinny dark-haired kid with the glove is. At spring training, none of that matters. They're just two players, less than three years apart in age, having a catch. Maybe later, they'll throw back a couple beers together.

The photographers don't get that. To them, there is The Next Big Thing and then there's the guy who got into the picture by accident. But to those of us who go to spring training to see the players, all the players, the chance to check out the young unknowns is almost as big a deal as the chance to see Daisuke's gyroball. It's the younger guys who will be signing autographs, posing for pictures with school kids who are thrilled to meet a real-life professional ballplayer. It's the younger guys who we'll remember five years down the road when we're flipping through an old scorebook saying, Remember when we saw so-and-so in his first major league camp and now he's an all-star? Or even, Remember so-and-so who had so much promise? I wonder if he's still in baseball.

Maybe Kottaras will become the target of the cameras, a franchise player, someone whose jersey is popular at the souvenir stands. But if not, he has had something most young prospects will never enjoy: a moment in the spotlight. No matter where his career goes from here, I'm sure he'll look back on this experience and smile.

A Letter from a Friend

Dear Johnny Damon (or can I just call you Johnny?):

You and me, we have a lot in common. We both have World Series rings. We both are misunderstood by the media and the fans. And we both love wrestling!

We're soul brothers. Made for each other. So I was thinking about a way to bring the two of us together. Not in a gay way (although I hear some ladies dig that. Maybe there's some money in it for us?) but like real brothers. And because you're my brother, I have an offer that I know you'll love. What's say you go on TNA with me and David Eckstein? (Hey, he has a World Series ring too! We're like TRIPLETS!)

All you have to do is whack a few guys with folding chairs (Dale Torborg sure can take a hit! His dad is so proud!) and look mean. It'll be fun and we'll make a boatload of money doing it. The people, they LOVE wrestling!

This will give you a chance to show the fans in New York and Boston that you aren't some weak-armed, money-hungry, egomaniac looking for any opportunity to whore yourself out to the masses.

This will give you a chance to show the fans in New York and Boston that even though you throw like a girl and your shoulder and foot are thisclose to falling apart, you aren't afraid to get yourself beat up in a fake wrestling match just to score some publicity and some wrestler-loving ass a week before spring training begins.

It'll be fun.

(And did I mention the money?)

Oh yeah, and Johnny, one last thing, if it's all right with you, the guys at TNA asked me to make sure you don't actually, you know, say anything when you're on screen. Some people still think wrestling is real and we don't want to ruin the illusion with your acting skills.

Hope to see you on Sunday!

Your good friend (but not in the gay way unless we get paid for it),

AJ Pierzynski

A cell phone rings in Cincinnati

::stares at his phone:: Come on, Bronson, I know you're there!
::answers the phone with a heavy sigh:: Hey, Len.
Bronson, man, CONGRATULATIONS! $25 million more with two more years. TWENTY FIVE MILLION! Way to go, man!
Thanks.
Thanks? That's it? Thanks? Bronson, aren't you happy?
Happy? Yeah, I guess so.
You don't sound happy. Are you drunk?
No, I'm not drunk. I'm just sitting here reading my new contract.
Dude, how cool is that? The Reds hooked you up until 2010 and threw stupid money at you!!! You should buy Theo a fruit basket.
A fruitbasket? Lenny, I just signed a contract that practically guarantees I'll spend the next five years in Cincinnati. CINCINNATI.
For an extra twenty-five million dollars, dude!
Lenny, you've never been to Cincinnati, have you?
Well, no. I've flown OVER it though. It looks nice.
(sighs) I guess.
Hey, they have the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, there!

Lenny, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is in Cleveland.
I knew that. (long pause) Hey, Bron, look at it this way, 2o1o is in three years. By then you could throw out your shoulder or get hit in the head with a line drive!
Well, at least I have that going for me.
Don't be sad, Bronson. Think of all that money you're going to make.
I know, Len. But now that I've signed this extension, I realize that money isn't everything:

(Photo by Matthew Bower)

Related Entries:
A cell phone rings in the middle of the night... (Part 1)
A cell phone rings in the middle of the night... (Part 2)
A cell phone rings late in the afternoon...
A cell phone rings in a lonely hotel room...
Somewhere in Kansas City, a cell phone rings...
A cell phone rings in Boston

With props (or apologies) to Surviving Grady and The Dugout.

(Beazer's note: I'm both sad and happy about this. So right now, this is the best I can do. Kick some ass in Cincinnati, B. - Or, suck it big time so that Krivsky wants to trade you! That would work too!)

Andre, Cory and Luis

In my previous blog about my first Trot Nixon sighting, I mention being at Fenway Park on September, 1, 1993 for batting practice. I was also still at Fenway Park at 1:30 a.m.! There was a long rain delay that night and the game went into extra innings but the Rangers beat the Red Sox 5-3 in 12 innings. There weren't many people left in the park when the game ended. It also happened to be Nolan Ryan's last visit to Fenway and the fans gave him a huge standing ovation.

Okay, now to Andre Dawson, Cory Bailey and Luis Ortiz.

That summer my sister had access to the family room at Fenway Park because she babysat the trainer's children during the games for a couple of weeks. After the game (at 1:30 a.m.) we were waiting to say goodbye to Charley (the trainer)in the family room. There were only two other families (okay, we weren't family but no one knew that) waiting in the family room. Andre Dawson's wife and two little girls were there. I'm assuming the children had been sleeping during the game but they were wide awake now and cute as could be. Andre walked in and my first impression of him was that he had very long, very skinny legs and he was hobbling when he walked. His knees were so bad by then that when his little girls ran up to him, it was difficult for him to bend down to pick them up. His huge smile absolutely lit up his face when he saw those two munchkins.

The other people in the family room were the mother and father of Cory Bailey. He never became a very good pitcher but on September 1, 1993, he made his pitching debut for the Red Sox and the first batter he had to face in a tie ballgame was Juan Gonzalez. Yikes! Talk about getting thrown to the vultures! Cory got out of the inning without allowing a base runner. I swear he floated into the family room that night. His parents asked what it was like facing Juan Gonzalez and he said, "he looked 10 feet tall from only 60 feet away".

Accompanying Cory Bailey was Luis Ortiz. He's another player who came and went through the Red Sox organization in a couple of years. He'd made his Red Sox debut the night before on August 31, 1993. He came to bat 3 times and got two hits and an RBI. The Sox only scored one run that night. Luis was still floating on air from his major league debut. As everyone was filing out of the family room to the parking lot, I congratulated Luis on his good first game. I'm sure he figured I was someones mother (I am but not the mother of a Red Sox player) and he turned around and grabbed my hand saying "thank you, thank you very much! It was really exciting!"

There isn't a huge point to this blog except to get a little insight into the lives of the baseball players that most of us don't get to see. I'm one of the old fans so I can relate to watching Youk's Mom shouting from the stands watching her son hit a home run for his first major league hit. I know how proud Cory Bailey's parents were that night. I've watched Trot Nixon's son, Chase, stand along the wall that's in front of his spring training seat, with his head in his hands as he watches every pitch of the game intently. I think we may see him playing in the major leagues in 20 years or so. I go to all the spring training games and I like to stay after the 7th inning to watch the young guys getting their chance to play with some of the major league players. I saw Iggy Suarez get his first hit and then he stayed after the game to sign autographs.

I've rambled long enough. I also apologize for the picture placement being wacky but it's the best someone who is almost computer illiterate can do.

My first Trot Nixon sighting

Many of my sistahs have heard my story about the first time I saw Trot Nixon. Today is a good day to blog about it. I am very sad that Trot will no longer be wearing a Red Sox uniform. The longer the J.D. Drew announcement didn't happen, I had a glimmer of hope that the Sox would find a place for Trot. He's found a place in my heart.

Here's my story:

Back in 1993 one of my sisters (that's a real sister and not a Sistah) would babysit during the games for the children of Charley Moss, the Red Sox trainer back then. She had access to the family room inside Fenway Park and knew the security guy who would let her in through the parking lot. My daughter and I were going to a game with her on September 1 and she said she knew how to get us into batting practice early. It worked like a charm. We walked by the security guard, into Fenway, past the family room and out to the field.

My sister looked around and thought it was odd that so few people were in the stands watching batting practice. Then she noticed Dan Duquette was there and many more reporters than were usually on the field at that time. We quietly sat down to watch. Strangely, none of us were wearing any Red Sox items that day. Dan Duquette came over to us and asked if we were with the Rangers (the Sox were playing the Rangers that day). We said no and he walked away. The three of us looked at each other and thought it was an odd question but also started to feel we were somewhere we shouldn't be.

It turned out it was a closed batting practice and it was the first day the new Red Sox draft pick was going to be wearing a Sox uniform and taking some batting practice. Trot Nixon was signed as a first round draft pick on August 31 and this was the next day. His father was there to watch him. When Trot went into the batting cage, all the other Sox players on the field stopped what they were doing and watched him swing the bat. I can't remember how well he hit or didn't hit the ball that day but I enjoyed watching the other players watch him.

It was another 3 years before we saw Trot make his major league debut in September, 1996 and he proudly wore the Red Sox uniform for another 10 years. He was part of the magical 2004 World Series Champion team. He was one of the original Dirt Dogs and was known for the dirty hat he wore all season long. Most Red Sox fans remember the story of Trot trying to get home for the birth of his son, Chase, on September 11, 2001.

I hope he does well in Cleveland and that the fans treat him well. Kathryn and Trot Nixon worked on many charitable causes during their stay in Boston and I've heard they want to come back to Boston when his career is over. I hope the front office is there to greet him with open arms.

Good luck, Trot!

No Words, Just Tears

Free-agent outfielder Trot Nixon has agreed to a one-year, $3 million deal with the Cleveland Indians, ESPN.com's Peter Gammons reports.

There are a thousand reasons not to want Trot back, not the least of which is the unfulfilled potential of Trot as a top farm prospect, right alongside Nomar Garciaparra. In so many ways, he never really panned out. But that doesn't make me feel any better.

Sometimes I'm just a sentimental sap.

Reflecting on the 2006 Season

While enjoying a few cocktails with a some of my Sox Sistahs at the Cask, I ventured onto the topic of what they thought of the 2006 Red Sox season. People have a tendency to seek me out to discuss everything Sox and I have been amazed at how negative people have been about the 2006 season. It surprises me, because I don't really judge a season by the standings at the end of the year. I look at the big picture of the entire season. If for the most part I have been able to enjoy a full season of competitive baseball, then I'm happy. Here are some of the memories of 2006 that helped make the season bright for me.

• I was thrilled to see Curt Schilling pitch in early April like the Curt Schilling we knew in 2004.


• Kevin Youkilis at first base playing like he was born to be on first.


• Our incredible defensive infield, Yo Lo Go Lo Va.


• Everything about Mike Lowell.


• Mark Loretta's walk off on Patriots Day.


• Jonathan Papelbon shutting the other team down in the ninth.


• Watching Jon Lester get his first major league win.


• Doug Mirabelli's dramatic entrance back with the Red Sox right before game time.


• Seeing the rookies get hazed by the veterans.


• Jason Varitek breaking Carlton Fisk's Red Sox catching record.


• David Ortiz and his outstanding 54 home runs.

Well off the top of my head these are what I remember about the 2006 season. I'm sure I've missed a few stellar moments and would love to have some additional input, so please comment and add your own favorite moments of 2006.

Here's to a Winning 2007!

Where oh Where Have All My Sox Sistahs gone?

Where oh Where

have all my Sox Sistahs gone??

Oh where oh where can they be?

With their blogging cut short

And their faces so long,

Oh where oh where can they be?

With all the razzing I got from the confusion of me beginning my blogging lessons, I think it is with my pleasure that I post the 1st post AFTER the cleanup. Christmas has come and gone. My favorite gift was spending Christmas morning eating breakfast at The Waffle House in my pj's with my sis and her family.

NOW Where ARE the other Sox Sistahs??? or are they not invited?

Excuse Our Mess...

This blog has just migrated to the new version of Blogger, our blogging service. While the changes resulting from the migration should be visible only to us posters, I wanted to bring a couple things to the attention of our loyal readers:

1. Where are all the other sistahs? As I type this post, only myself and Beazer are listed as "Contributors" in the sidebar. This is, I am guessing, because the other contributors need to do their own mini-migration to the new service before they can post—which I hope they will do very soon (migrate and post).


2. What are those funny "labels"? One feature of the new service is the ability of the poster to assign labels—categories, essentially—to a post. If you click on a label, you'll see all the posts assigned that label. Give it a try by clicking on "housekeeping" at the bottom of this post.


3. What about comments? As far as I know, reader comments should continue to work as they did before. Blogger had an issue with users not being able to delete their comments if they made a mistake, but I think that problem was resolved.

That, I hope, is all you need to know about the change. We're still here to give you the very wittiest female baseball fan insight the internet has to offer. So keep coming back.

Red Sox Survivor: "The Right Stuff"

Welcome to "Red Sox Survivor: The Right Stuff", brought to you by the Boston Red Sox and Champion Ford.

And, now, live from Fenway Park, here's your host, Kevin Millar!

Howdy Sox Nation! It's great to be back in Boston!

You aren't 'back', Kevin. But if you do a good job, I might be willing to make you an offer. We lost about 10 "Fenway Ambassadors" after last season's third-place finish.

Fine! Let's just get this started.

Good man!

Okay, here's the deal. The Red Sox need a right fielder and this game is going to decide who that right fielder will be. We're going to decide tonight WHO has "The Right Stuff!" (giggles) Get it? The RIGHT Stuff? This is gonna be great! We have three contestants tonight. Our first contestant has been in the bigs for ten years. All with the same team. And even though they refused to offer him arbitration, here he is tonight. Ladies and Gentlemen, the original Dirt Dog - Trot Nixon!

::After high fiving, hugging, and a new handshake with Kevin, Trot takes his place in left field::

Great to see you, brother!

I'm just grateful to God for giving me the opportunity to be here.

I had more to do with it than God, Trot.

::Awkward silence::

Aaanyhoo...our second contestant tried playing the outfield in Fenway last year and sucked like one of my babies on my wife's...

Millar!

Yeah, whatever. Here he is, Wily Mo Pena.

:: Wily Mo runs to Kevin and tries to hug him. Kevin punches him in the stomach and Pena doesn't flinch::

Damn! Sorry Bronson, I tried, man.

I'll stand in centerfield...for now.

Just don't try to catch anything, heh-heh! Right Trot?

People who live in glass houses, Kevin. Glass houses.

::sigh:: I'm so unappreciated. Okay, and contestant three is made of glass and probably blows Theo weekly...ladies and gentlemen, D.J. Drew.

It's J.D., punk.

Whatever, D.J. Go stand in right field, but don't get too comfortable. I'll see you after the show. Now, the rules are simple, there are two categories: defense and offense. We'll see who does the best in the field and then take it to the plate. I judge everyone's performance and choose the winner.

This is supposed to be "Survivor". Don't we get to vote?

No. My show, my rules.

Actually, Kevin, it's my show.

Okay, whatever. Let's take a minute to hear from our sponsor and we'll be right back.

::wipes away a tear:: 2004, man, 2004. (shakes his head) Okay, back to the game. My amigo, Manny Ramirez is at the plate and I'm going to throw him a meatball. We'll rate the contestants on how they respond to Manny hitting one out.

I'm ready, Man!

:: Manny hits the pitch to Drew in right field. Drew watches the ball go over his head, Trot runs over from left field, knocking over Wily Mo and smashing himself into the wall. As he falls down, Wily Mo gets a glove on the ball and knocks it into the stands::

:: JD Drew threw out his shoulder watching the ball go by and will be on the disabled list for two months::
:: Trot strained his ass again and will be on the disabled list for two months::

:: Wily Mo wins the position by forfeit::

Man, that didn't go the way I thought it would.

Funny. It went exactly the way I thought it would.

With props (or apologies) to Surviving Grady and The Dugout.