On the Flight Back from Baltimore

You suck!
No,you suck!
Nuh-uh!
Ya-huh!
That's enough, fellas. Don't make me separate you!
He started it.
Did not.
Did too.
You guys won't be happy 'til I knock someone on their ass, right?
Calm down, Tito. No one is getting knocked on their ass. We lost a couple of games...
You mean Eric lost a couple of games, right Mr. Epstein? *
Kyle, it isn't fair to point fingers. We're still leading the division race and as long as we're still the best team in Major League Baseball, all we have to do from this point on is build on that.
Whatever. Eric still sucks...
Forget this weekend, dude, let's use your iPhone to go on You Tube and watch videos of me kicking ass!
Or sucking ass.
Oh bring it on, Frenchy!
Tito, they aren't listening to me. You need to give them some words of encouragement.
Hmmm...okay, how about this? Fellas, just stop sucking, okay?
We sure are trying, skip.
:beams:
We sure are.
:grins:
I'll do what I can tomorrow, Tito.
:happily sighs:
I'll have your back, Wake.
:cries:
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*I felt it necessary to print the quote from the real Kyle about Gagne:

"We've got to come together. It's not one person's fault in this locker room. I think everybody in here is accountable. We take responsibility for ourselves, and there isn't a single person in here pointing fingers at anybody."

July 14, 2006 - In the Red Sox Clubhouse

Man, I could barely get in the park tonight! The women were all over me!
Really?
Really. I thought, maybe after last night, they'd be mad at me. But, no, they were as great as usual.
Well, I'm mad at you.
So am I. Man, I had two RBI last night! I could have been the game hero!
Well, I could have had my fifth win! Thanks for nothing, Mark
Oh, I get it. You come here in uniform thinking you're better than everyone else, Rook? Maybe if you didn't walk the entire damn team, we would have won.
You guys have me convinced. You suck, Loretta.
(pouting) How many times do I have to say "I'm sorry"?
You don't, man. It wasn't your fault. It was nobody's fault. These things happen. Leave him alone, guys.
Do not make me shoot you, Tavarez.

Somewhere in Minnesota, gathered in the back room of a little-known bar...

You just say the word, Schill, and the deed is done, brother.
Deed? What deed? Mike, it's one loss, it isn't a big deal.
I'm just saying, I have a bow and I know how to use it.
You should take him up on it, Schill...Tavarez is killing us.
Say that to my face, Perra!
The name's Beckett, genius!
Uh, Josh, perra means bitch.
That does it! Forget the bow, I'll kick his ass myself!
Why are you all getting so bent out of shape? We lost one game. We're tied for first place. Things could be much worse.
You're right. Matty could be pitching tomorrow.
Uh, Mike? I am pitching tomorrow.
Crap!
I don't know why Terry just doesn't let me pitch every game. I can start, I can close...heck, I'm pretty sure there isn't anything I can't do!
Easy there, rook. Season isn't even halfway through.
Schill's right. Let's all just get drunk and tomorrow will take care of itself.
About tomorrow, guys. I've decided that Manny, Papi, Trot, Tek, Mikey Lowell and Mark Loretta all need some rest. Couple of you bullpen guys are going to have to pull infield duty...
Mike, would you consider lending out that bow?

(Note from Beazer: This was, of course, written before the Twins swept the Red Sox. The bow in question has since been removed from the Red Sox clubhouse in the name of safety for everyone.)