No, I Don't Have Tickets!!!

October is a magical time in New England. The smell of the first wood fires, pumpkins, cornstalks, fresh apple crisp, and the ultimate thrill….the possibility of the Red Sox being in the post season. There is nothing like a Red Soxtober. Unless…you don’t have tickets.

The people I work with and socialize with usually consider me to be the biggest Red Sox fan they know. I’m completely positive and passionate about my team and they know that my first game at Fenway was October 1st 1967 when they won the pennant. Then I went to every opening day from 1968 for thirteen years. I was there for games two, six and seven for the World Series in 1975, because I got up and stood in line at Fenway as soon as the “T” opened at 5:00 AM. My sister gave me tickets in 1986 for the playoff with the Angels and to game 5 of the World Series with the Mets. That’s the game where the sing song chant of “Darrell” first surfaced and is now used substituting any new target that fits, such as “Roger” during the 1999 Pedro vs. Roger 2003 play off game. I was at that game too. Then you have the 2003 playoff game when Trot hit the walk off homer…I was there. Oh, remember the Pedro game when he threw down Don Zimmer? Yup, I was there. I even have a ticket for the sixth game of the 2003 World Series, which of course, I never got to use.

Then came 2004 and the “lottery” system for purchasing playoff tickets. I have entered every lottery and nope…I still haven’t won one of them. I don’t buy scalper tickets and I do consider ticket agencies to be scalper tickets. Oh, let me correct that last statement. In 1975 I had tickets for game two and seven but not six. I was petrified that I wouldn’t see the Sox play again and during the three day rain delay I tried to find a ticket to game six. While eating at Betty’s Rolls Royce in Haymarket Square, the waiter mentioned he had an extra ticket. I paid $20 for a single bleacher ticket. I got so much grief from people who thought I was totally crazy for buying a single bleacher ticket for $20. Well I still have the ticket stub, as I have all my ticket stubs, and I will never regret paying $20 for that ticket, which is still touted as one of the best games ever.

So what’s my point here? Well every day someone sees me and asks if I have tickets to the post season games and it just irks me. I guess I should be happy my Sox are so popular, but I’m not. I hate explaining to people that yes I applied for the lottery drawing but once again, I was rejected. Somehow people believed I must have some connection if I went to all those other games. They just don’t realize that in the past if you really tried you could end up with a ticket. That isn’t the case any longer, as just like the name implies, it is a lottery. Most people know the chances of winning a lottery.

So, no, I won’t be going to the post season at Fenway, but then again I won’t be paying $7 a beer and $60 for parking. I will however be enjoying every minute sitting in my leather chair in front of my 54 inch HDTV. I am thankful that I get a chance to watch the team I love, the 2007 Red Sox, play in the World Series. Go Sox!!!

Someday God will say "Ha" and someone will be in BIG trouble!

So I was going to write something witty. A phone call, perhaps, where Bronson rubs it in to Lenny that, although he pitched 5 solid innings for Oakland, he imploded in the 6th and lost the game.

Instead, I'm compelled to write about Alex Rodriguez.

"ARod" to most.

"Slappy" to me (And Bronson Arroyo.)

I have never hidden my hatred for the Yankees. On my own blog, the tag line is "Because life is too short to be a Yankees Chick". I'm pretty straight-forward that way. But the truth is that there are players on that team you have to respect. Mariano Rivera comes to mind.

Well, that was a short list.

Anyway, I've often been on the fence about old Slappy. As witnessed by my use of that nickname, I'll not soon 'get over' his slapping the ball out of Bronson Arroyo's glove in game 6 of the 2004 ALCS. Nor am I happy with the elbow he threw at Dustin Pedroia last week in New York. But in between those two incidents, I had started to soften. I thought it was ridiculous of the Yankees fans to boo possibly the best player any of them had ever seen. I started to believe all the crap about how sensitive he is and how his wife has helped him deal with the pressures of making ridiculous amounts of money for playing a child's game.

I'll tell you now, there is no more softening. ARod is a jackass. And that's the nicest and worst word I'll use. No point in offending any of your sensibilities by using words not fit for print.

But let's pretend I used them, okay? Just between us, you all know that I think ARod is the nickname for Richard. And I'm not talking about Rich. I feel better now that we're all on the same page.

Yes we all know many players cheat on their wives (not all, though, and I think that's pretty important to mention). But ARod is a superstar. He's an athlete and celebrity. He's on the highest-profile team in professional sports in America. And he's stupid enough to get caught?

No way. He isn't stupid. He just has no respect. Not for his wife, not for the woman he's carting around (Nor does she have any respect for herself - I'm not blaming just ARod for that part of all this. It takes two and all.). He certainly doesn't have any respect for his team or their fans, since they are on the receiving end of a major ass-whipping all around these days.

He should have been more discreet. He should have kept it in his pants. He should have just been focusing on helping the team try to win. Right?

Well, he took that last one to heart in Toronto last night, and in the process has cemented his reputation as a great player, but a lousy person.

You've all heard about it or read about it by now.

Rodriguez said he was simply trying to win. “We’re desperate,” he said. “We haven’t won a game in a little bit now. We won the game.”

Spoken like a great American ball player, Slappy. It doesn't matter that what you did would get you a punch in the face in Little League. It helped you win the game because you're desperate. That's all that matters. It's so clear to me now.

I promise you, the next time I see someone who is letting their kid wear an ARod jersey I'll probably lose it on them. This man is a joke. He's taking an already horrible season for the Yankees and adding insult to injury.

The last time the Yankees were in Boston, Daisuke Matsuzaka hit ARod with a pitch. It was April and he was on fire. After getting hit, he cooled down considerably. It might just be time for a little repeated history. Someone needs to take Slappy down a notch, and Bronson Arroyo isn't here to do it. (Author's note: I didn't clear this with all the Sistahs, so don't be blaming all of them for MY writing that he should get hit. I'm sure there are one or two of them who never want to see a batter hit, no matter who he is. I don't happen to be one of them. As long as they don't hit his head/face, I'm quite alright with a purpose pitch now and then.)

Derek Jeter refused to comment on last night's incident. That is very telling. Maybe not. Either Jeter thinks what ARod did last night was wrong, or he just thinks the guy is a dick* and is happy to watch him swing flaccidly in the wind. Either way, if the captain of your team doesn't back your play, you should be thinking twice about what you did.

Not that ARod is. He absolutely seems to be from the "any publicity is good publicity" camp.

I only hope this time he gets his deserved 'reward' for his bush league behavior - on and off the field.

*oops.

Edited to add that clearly he says "mine" and not "ha". Go back to 3rd grade, Slappy. (This video works now, but when MLB finds out about it, will probably get pulled:)

What's he selling now?

Pete Rose doesn't have a new book to sell, so why - all of a sudden - does he go on the Dan Patrick Show today and admit that, not only did he bet on baseball, he bet on the Reds - "every night".

Is he so thoroughly stupid that he thinks admitting this now will bring MLB and the fans who don't want to see his face on a plaque at the Baseball Hall of Fame around?

I've maintained all along that if Rose was the derelict gambler he was proven to be, there was no way he didn't bet on the Reds while he was managing them. That alone is a good enough reason for me to NOT put his mug in the Hall of Fame.

A commenter to the story I linked to called Rose a "pathological liar". I have to agree. For years he refused to acknowledge he gambled. Then he admitted to gambling when it was going to make him money (through book sales) and now he's admitting to betting on the Reds during an interview with Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann. What's in it for him this time?

"Everything should be for the fans", Rose said when talking about letting him back into baseball. So he would get nothing from being reinstated...it would all be to make the fans happy.

That sound you hear is Sox Sistah Booklady's head exploding.

Apparently the only benefit Rose wants to enjoy by being allowed back into MLB, is being a manager again. Out of every benefit he could gain, that is the one that bothers me the most. A gambler (in essence, a cheater) a liar...why would we want that man shaping the lives of young players?

On a totally personal and biased note, the man turn my stomach. I hope deeply that this man is never allowed back into Major League Baseball. With all the problems MLB has been having, bringing Rose back into the loop will only serve to push fans away with it being more proof that the commissioner has no concern for what is truly good for baseball.

I hope Rose lives a long and miserable life and never sees the day when he's allowed back into the MLB fold.

Top Ten Reasons Why Manny will be Late to Spring Training

Courtesy of good friend and honorary-sistah-for-the-day, TruBluSoxFan. (NOTE: For those who don't already know, Tru is actually a brothah.)

10. Manny doesn't use the Gregorian calendar.

9. Julian said it would be funny.

8. Manny fell asleep inside his Green Monster repro.

7. Manny hyper-extended his index finger practicing "the point."

6. "Petey called and got me all confused. Again."

5. He strained his right hammy on his left knee.

4. Manny can't decide what hair style to wear this season.

3. "I don't know how to program my new Tom Tom for Ft. Myers."

2. "I'm getting a note from Genske; he said it worked before."

1. "No way the new Japanese dude upsets my entrance."

I'm Not a Bad Fan; I Just Need a Vacation

Forgive me if I have to get away for a few days. I know you'll understand.

It's been a trying season for us loyal Red Sox fans. Even when the team was doing well and firmly planted in first place—which was most of the season—there were worries. When will Jason Varitek come out of his hitting slump that began last September? Is Coco Crisp's throwing arm really that bad? Where did Trot Nixon's power go? Will David Wells ever pitch again, and if he does, will it be for us? And what the heck is wrong with Matt Clement?

These and other questions were on our minds, even if relegated to the back while we marveled at Kevin Youkilis' painless move to first base, the unexpected resurgence of Mike "Mr. Double" Lowell, the double-play prowess of Alex Gonzalez and Mark Loretta, the absence of any outrageous Manny Ramirez behavior, the remarkable emergence of Jonathan Papelbon, the offensive wonder that is David Ortiz. Even while things weren't necessarily going our way (Josh Beckett still hasn't figured out how to stop giving up home runs to American League hitters), the Sox got the job done. When they stopped getting it done, all the concerns came to the forefront of our collective consciousness. It has been exhausting.

And so, dear friends, I am preparing for a trek to the Carolina coast, where next week's long-range forecast calls for sunny skies and temperatures in the low 80s. I won't be able to see or hear the Red Sox games, I will have no computer access (unless I decide to spring for an hour's worth of internet access at the local cyber café), and I don't plan on reading a newspaper. It won't be all that different from my similar vacation at the same time last year, but unlike this year, last year a week without baseball bothered me.

This site will be in the capable hands of my sistahs, one of whom may even be motivated to post before I get back. Try not to miss me while I'm gone.

How Do You Solve a Problem Like Rudy Seañez?

His name is Rudy Caballero Seañez. The middle name means "cowboy" (an anonymous reader gives the meaning as "knight"; Google translator gives "horseman") and the last name is pronounced "Say-AHN-yez" even though most people pronounce it "SEE-uh-nez." I pronounce it "the bane of my existence." In 40 games this season, he has allowed at least a hit or a walk in all but eight. His ERA is 4.17, but that doesn't reflect the inherited runners he has allowed to score. His WHIP is 1.54, better than only teammates Jon Lester (very shaky in recent starts), David Wells (on the DL most of the season), Julian Tavarez, Matt Clement, Jason Johnson, and several others now relegated to the minors.

So what do we do with this guy? He is taking up a roster spot, so it isn't reasonable to not use him. As a veteran major leaguer, he is out of minor league options. Trading him would require him to go through waivers, from where he would likely be claimed with no compensation for the Sox.

In pondering the situation, I came up with a few alternatives. Cast your vote now. The top three will be sent to Theo Epstein as suggestions.

The Seanez Conundrum

What should the Red Sox do with Rudy Seanez? Use him only when either team leads by 10+ runs Force him to sit quietly and ponder his sins Send him to Single-A Lowell to torture the newbies Trade him and Dan Shaughnessy for a six-pack of beer Make him clean the team's cleats with his tongue Send him out for pizza and don't let him back in Hang him from the monster as a warning to Julian Tavarez Take him out back and smack him VIEW RESULTS poll by freepolls.com

What If? Who Cares?

I admit it, I watched NESN's What If..., a fictionalized account of how game 7 of the 2003 ALCS would have turned out if Grady Little had taken out A Certain Former Red Sox Pitcher Whose Name Shall Not Be Spoken after said pitcher gave up a run to the Yankees in the eighth inning. I wasn't planning to watch it because I don't believe in crying over spilled milk, and besides, I'd take the World Championship of 2004 over a single game/series against the Yankees any day of the week. But when I got home from work and automatically flipped on NESN, there was a game on, and before I realized it wasn't one of those "Red Sox Classics", I was sucked in.

For those of you who haven't seen or heard much about this absurd production, what NESN did is hire a computer baseball operation to simulate the remainder of game 7 from the point at which Grady went to the mound in the eighth, but with the presumption that he goes to the bullpen at that point. The computer takes over from there, including simulating the choice of relief pitchers. (Edit: I was mistaken; the simulation began with Grady going to Alan Embree.) Read here for details about the process and an overview of how those 100 simulations turned out.

The bottom line is that the most likely outcome (41%) was a 5-3 Red Sox win. In another 41% of the sims, the Red Sox won by a different score. That's 82 of 100 sims that yielded a Red Sox win, which indicates pretty strongly (though obviously not certainly) that if Grady had taken out P***o before Hideki Matsui came to bat, the Sox would have won. I don't know many fans who would be surprised by those probabilities.

What did surprise me was that in the production based on the simulation process, Scott Williamson never pitched. The save went to Mike Timlin, but not until he had walked two batters in the ninth inning. Williamson had been rock solid throughout the playoffs that year; it wasn't for nothing that the mantra on everyone's lips was, "Embree and Timlin in the eighth, Williamson in the ninth."

But ultimately, SO WHAT? Should it bother any of us that the most likely scenario turned out to be what we've always known it would have been? Should we salivate over the prospect of a dramatic seventh game win over our arch-rivals? Should we ache for what might have been? My answers are: no, no, and no.

Think about it. There is no guarantee that if we had gone to the 2003 World Series, we would have won. The Marlins cooked the Yankees pretty well; there's nothing to say they wouldn't have done the same thing to the Sox. But more importantly, a league championship might have changed the dynamic of the team for the worse. Grady might never have been fired, Curt Schilling might never have been acquired, and the 2004 incarnation of the Boston Red Sox (both on and off the field) might not have been so driven to right the wrong that was 2003. What we might have ended up with is another 1986, 1975, 1967, or 1946—a pennant but no World Series trophy, and even worse than that, years before we got another chance.

I now see 2003 the way I see pregnancy and labor—something long, difficult, and ultimately painful, but with a really great outcome. I know with certainty what happened after Grady's game 7 brain fart, and it was the best experience in my life as a sports fan so far.

Would I trade that certainty, that thrill, that year-long high, for the mere hope of having it one year earlier? No way. So I don't care about "what ifs". And I believe that if you think about it, you'll find that you don't either.

Women, stand up and be counted...just don't actually stand!

Photo courtesy of Roadside Photos

I had the wonderful opportunity to hit Fenway last night with roughly 30 people dear to me (including three of the contributors to this blog!). In spite of the extra-inning loss the Red Sox ended the night with, we had a marvelous time. Lot's of fun and cheering and catching up with each other on a beautiful summer evening. I can't wait to do it again.

Alas, all was not perfect. One of the things I am most proud of is being a woman. I don't have penis-envy. I don't wish to stand when I pee. I prefer someone hold a damn door for me and I certainly will let you pay for my dinner, sir. I am also quite proud of being a woman BASEBALL fan. That is, until I see the way other women baseball fans tend to act.

Before I get going, the group I was with last night was both men and women, with the women slightly outnumbering the men. Most of those women are extremely knowledgeable baseball fans. I have nothing against woman or woman sports fans in general, and I wholly support Cruiser in her dislike of bandwagon fans gaining the moniker "pink hat fans".

Having written all that, let me give you a rundown of what I saw last night:

• Two women (one in a yellow Red Sox hat) standing up in the middle of the game, with their cell phones to their ears, waving to the crowd and wiggling their asses.
• Three women screaming for the 'cotton candy guy' as if he were a rock star and jumping out of their seats to get his attention while the Sox were at bat, and then acting like they didn't know what to do once he threw the cotton candy to them. "Oh, we have to pay for this?"
• One woman running across the front of our section, trying to get everyone to do the wave.*
• A woman in our group blowing up a beach ball and tossing it around the bleachers while the opposing team tied the game...rendering everyone in the area who decided to follow the beach ball instead of the game clueless when the scoreboard read 3-3 at the end of the inning.*
• A woman behind me talking non-stop with a co-worker who was, seemingly, trying to get in her pants all night. There were 30 of us, and we could hear her and her man over everyone else. Color me stunned when she finally asked, "Who is the 'big name' on the Red Sox? Johnny Damon?"
• I lost count at how many women showed up late to the game and staggered through the row wondering if they were in seat 11 or 12.
  

I realize some of these, on any given day, can be applied to men as well. Trust me, I've seen my share of male idiots at baseball games. But men don't have a stereotype to fight. Men aren't scrutinized at sporting events the way women are. They aren't calling these bandwagon fans "alternative hat style fans". The major sports love to make the women realize that we are just cute accents to the actual game. Wear a pink hat, drink a wine cooler and squeal when Gabe Kapler gets put into the game. That's all they want from women. And I know all these women were having fun - and I'm all for that, I have a blast at the games...but not at the expense and/or embarrassment of others.

But the women I know, including myself, are much deeper than that. I sat with a woman last night who kept score during the game (that would be our own Triumphant Red Sox Fan!), one who wore a radio to listen to the game while watching it (our own Sox Cruiser) and a woman who collects books about baseball (Booklady, who is supposed to be here but hasn't signed in yet!). I own a pink Red Sox hat. One that has a pink ribbon on it and that the proceeds from the sale went to breast cancer research. I also probably know more about baseball than most of the men sitting in the bleachers last night. I was the one who knew which player the Red Sox called up yesterday - and why. I not only pay attention to my team, but to all the teams in MLB. I read baseball-related news stories from all over the country every morning before I head off to work. I am the go-to person in my office of 8 men to 3 women, and I'm the resident baseball 'expert'.

Then I go to Fenway and am lumped in with the women who only go because their boyfriends got tickets or because their dad gave them tickets and they wanted to try and get Gabe to acknowledge them - or because they want to shake their asses and hopefully get on television.

I have nothing against the women who enjoy baseball because of the eye candy. Along with my genuine love for the game, I am one of those women. I just would like the women I mentioned above to realize that when they act stupid in a crowd of 35,000...they are representing an entire gender of people who do not wish to be lumped in with them. A little self-respect goes a long way. Men get away with it because they are men and they can...as far as women have come, we aren't there yet.

You don't need to be annoying to get attention. And if you need that kind of attention so desperately, there are plenty of bars where you can go dance on a table.

It's slightly unfair to stick these two in the list. I know more people do these things than don't. The thing is, more than anything (at a ball game), I hate the wave and beach balls in the stands. I spend an awful lot of money on baseball tickets and I'm a very intense fan. I go to the game to watch the game and when folks start doing things that distract me and could, potentially, distract the players, it pisses me off. It never fails...the wave always starts (as it did last night along with the beach ball toss) while our team is in the field. Call me kooky, but I'm pretty sure the point of the wave was never to annoy the crap out of your own pitcher. I don't understand why fans need to do something as childish as the wave or bringing a beach ball to a game, to enhance their enjoyment of the game. I've been to hundreds of baseball games and never once did I think "Gee, this would be a lot more fun if everyone stood up while we were trying to watch the game!". No offense to Krazy George, but every time I see the wave begin, I want to hurt someone. Just a not-so brief disclaimer for those of you easily offended.

WEEI and Pink Hats

When I’m driving, I have a tendency to listen to sports radio. That is until the men just start shouting and talking over each other and it becomes too much noise to bear. Recently, I have heard them talking very disparagingly about the fans in the pink hats. It seems that the guys on WEEI believe that the people that wear pink hats are all new bandwagon fans.

Over the past couple weeks I have heard the pink hats brought up more than once and I never really gave it much thought. Then it struck me. They are actually labeling the new bandwagon fans as only women, since you don’t see men at Fenway wearing pink hats.

As I sat watching the game yesterday, that was delayed by five hours; I noticed many pink hats in the stands. Women and young girls that had toughed out the horrific weather to get a chance to see the Red Sox play. Are these the bandwagon fans that WEEI are referring to? The mothers and grandmothers with their kids and grandchildren, the little girls with their Wally’s clutched in their hands? .

I was born into Red Sox Nation in Hartford, Connecticut. In the early 60’s it certainly wasn’t easy to be a Red Sox fan in Hartford, but I didn’t have a choice. My mother raised her four daughters and one son to be diehard Red Sox fans. Yes, my dad liked baseball and the Sox as well, but it was my mother that instilled us with the baseball bug. I can recall her deciding one nice summer weekday that it would be a great day to see a ball game. As luck would have it, the Red Sox were playing the Yankees at Yankee Stadium. She wrote a note for my dad, and piled all the kids into the station wagon and off we went to Yankee Stadium for the day. I mention my mother, because if she was still alive, I can imagine her sitting in the stands sporting a pink Red Sox visor to shade out the sun. Pink hat maybe, but bandwagon fan…NEVER!

Back to the game yesterday, it occurs to me that non-traditional Red Sox head gear seems to be more prevalent than the traditional navy wool regulation caps. I spy many of the St. Patrick’s Day green caps in the home plate area. Now maybe those are acceptable, since the Red Sox do actually wear them on the field one day year. Then there are the locker room World Series caps that come in three different colors, the Wild Card caps and the ever popular light weight navy and denim caps that are so much cooler to wear in the heat of summer. Nope I haven’t heard any of these hats singled out by WEEI so they must all be fine. The bandwagon fans seem to be in the pink hats.

Well the more I think about these pink hat comments the angrier I get as a Red Sox fan and a woman. I personally don’t have a pink hat but I have diehard friends that do have them and they certainly aren’t bandwagon fans. As a matter of fact most of the women I know don’t even like to wear hats, but when you’re at the ball park it is a necessity if one is to be protected from the elements.

WEEI needs to take another look at all the hat styles at Fenway these days and should stop generalizing the bandwagon fans as the females in the pink hats. If they have a problem with non-traditional baseball caps and believe those that wear them are not “real” fans, than say that. It is a ridiculous theory in my book, as we all know you can’t judge a book by its cover or a “real” fan by their hat.

Live Text-Messaging between Two Different Games: An Evening in the Life of the Sistahs

The scene is Worcester, Massachusetts, around 6:00pm this evening. I'm leaving work and heading to Hanover Insurance Park at Holy Cross College for opening night of the independent Worcester Tornadoes, which in its first year of existence won the 2005 Can-Am League championship. I have a single ticket to the sold-out game.

Meanwhile, not far away in Boston, Beazer is riding the T on her way to Fenway Park to watch the Sox and Yankees in the second of their three-game series. It's less than 24 hours since the Good Guys summarily dispatched the Evil Empire by a score of 9-5, though it wasn't even as close as that sounds. Beazer too has a single ticket for her game.

I ring up Beazer on the cell phone. Do me a favor, I ask, text message me with updates. I'll be at the Tornadoes game. No problem, she says.

Slightly more than an hour later, while I'm watching the Tornadoes get their rings, the cell phone vibrates. It's an incoming text message...

WARNING: The following exchange has not been edited. If you are offended by vulgar language or poor punctuation, STOP READING NOW.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
7:09 - Beazer - Demon just led off the game with a home run

7:10 - Triumphant Red Sox Fan - Fuck.

7:12 - Beazer - Wake got the rest of the side out

. . . . . . . . . . .
7:51 - Beazer - 2-0 yanks in the third

7:51 - Triumphant - How did the 2nd run score?

7:57 - Beazer - Did i say 2 i meant 3 fucking demon hit a double

8:02 - Triumphant - I hate him.

8:09 - Beazer - As do i

. . . . . . . . . . .
8:17 - Beazer - Men lob are killing them

. . . . . . . . . . .
8:42 - Beazer - I'm freezing they are losing and batshit tavares is warming up

8:42 - Beazer - Dougie has two passed balls one just resulted in the yanks fourth run

8:54 - Triumphant - I don't suppose it would make you feel better to know that the Tomatoes [inside joke name for the Tornadoes] are winning...

9:02 - Triumphant - 4-1, I hear. How did we score?

9:02 - Beazer - At least one of us is having fun fucking jt snow just killed a rally with a double play dougie knocked in a run for us

. . . . . . . . . . .
9:10 - Beazer - Slappy just hit a three run home run tavares is now in maybe he'll hit posada

9:15 - Triumphant - So what you're saying is that spilled MFY [Mother F***ing Yankees] blood will make it OK?

9:21 - Beazer - Pretty much

9:27 - Triumphant - Just keep reminding yourself that whatever happens tonight, the MFY still won't be in 1st place when they leave.

9:28 - Beazer - That is what makes this not so bad

. . . . . . . . . . .
9:29 - Beazer - Holy shit manny just made it 7-4 with one out!

9:31 - Triumphant - What inning?

9:33 - Beazer - 7

9:33 - Beazer - The yankees lefty specialist just walked trot

. . . . . . . . . . .
9:42 - Beazer - Doug mirabelli - rally killer - 7-4 yanks top of eighth and david riske is in did they send down lenny?

9:44 - Triumphant - THEY SENT LENNY DOWN?? :(

9:47 - Beazer - I dont know someone had to go i dont know who

. . . . . . . . . . .
10:02 - Beazer - Farnsworth just imploded in the 8 two on one out and torre brought in rivera to pitch to papi

10:02 - Triumphant - Holding my breath...

10:06 - Beazer - Papi got out manny hit a single that knocked in a run trot is up

10:07 - Beazer - Trot is out 7-5 top of the ninth

10:07 - Triumphant - Tomatoes closer just coughed up a 3 run lead, tie game, 1 out. Grrrr...

10:09 - Beazer - Oh for cryin out loud what is with our boys all around

. . . . . . . . . . .
10:11 - Beazer - Papelbon is in to face the top of the lineup

. . . . . . . . . . .
10:20 - Triumphant - Are you alive?

10:21 - Beazer - Mohr is our last chance

10:25 - Beazer - Mohr is out game over 7-5 i hate demon and slappy

10:25 - Triumphant - Yeah, T's just lost too. Fuck.

10:29 - Beazer - Well this night sucked

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
And that, dear readers, is a glimpse into the life of two sistahs who go to ball games alone... but are you ever really alone when you and a sistah both have cell phones and know how to use them?

To Boo or Not to Boo

One of my good friends was born outside New York City and is a Yankee fan. My husband and I are well known for our fanaticism over the Red Sox so when they see my husband in his Red Sox hat and then spot the guy next to him in the Yankee hat they are astounded they are friends.

My take is if you are from NY than you should be rooting for a NY team. Being born into Red Sox Nation I can’t imagine not being a Red Sox fan no matter where I lived. I like people who are loyal to their teams. I also like a good baseball discussion, regardless of what team is the other person’s favorite.

All that being said, my Yankee friend has really given my blood pressure a work out in the last couple of days. On Tuesday night when the Sox went down by two runs, our home phone began to ring. My husband looks at me and says, you know who that is? I hadn’t even considered who it might be. Hubby was correct; it was Yankee Rick calling to rub in the score. We reminded him it was a bit early to begin to gloat. Not long after, the Sox are now up by three and I tell hubby to give our friend a call. Wouldn’t you know it; he has turned his phone off! Boy he can dish it but he can’t take it.

Wednesday night we meet him at the local watering hole to watch the game together. I had been astounded at how much the Yankee fans had booed both A-Rod and Randy Johnson. I begin a discussion with hubby and Yankee Rick regarding the fact that the Red Sox fans had been chastised in papers across the country for booing Johnny Damon who wasn’t even on our team any longer, but the Yankee fans feel it is okay to boo their own players.

Then I have to sit and hear Yankee Rick's rebuttal on how “classless” Boston fans are for booing Johnny Damon after he had done so much for our team. That it is perfectly all right for fans to boo players on their own team when they don’t perform. Blah…blah….blah…blah.

Well, I’m sorry but I don’t see it that way at all. I feel that Red Sox fans thanked Johnny Damon for his contributions in 2004 for the entire 2005 season every time he came out onto the field or came up to bat. He left the Red Sox on his own accord after lying to the fans that he wouldn’t go to the Yankees, even for the money. I don’t like liars and two faced people and I don’t think it is wrong for the fans to be angry for what they see as a betrayal. All we ask for is honesty. He had our undying devotion and he blew it.

Now as far as the Yankee fans booing their own players I think that is classless and certainly can’t be good for a player’s psyche. I hate it when Red Sox fans do it or fans of any team. Everyone has a bad day and I certainly wouldn’t want to be booed for having one. I also don’t think that the money they earn makes it okay either. I am embarrassed every time I happen to be at Fenway and one of our own players is booed. I believe that only players on the opposing team can be booed.

Since Yankee Rick poo pooed my booing code of conduct, I needed to get this out. I feel better now.

Do you know me?

• I've been playing in Major League Baseball for eight years
• I was an All-Star for three consecutive seasons
• I have a Silver Slugger and a Gold Glove
• I made 7.5 million dollars last season
• My batting average currently leads my team
• I was on the 2003 Marlins team that humiliated the Yankees in the World Series!

But do I get articles written about me discussing what my at-bat music should be? No.

Do I get a specialized shirt at The Yawkey Way Store? Hell no! (And may I remind you all that Coco is on the DL, folks? HE ISN'T EVEN PLAYING and all I see at Fenway are Coco t-shirts!)

I hit three doubles on Friday night, made (if I do say so myself) an amazing, diving catch and I stole third base...third base, folks, do you KNOW how hard it is to steal third? I do all this and who gets the biggest ovation of the night?

This guy: I mean come on!

Half of the Boston sports media wrote me off. Oh, Theo was just letting me tag along so the Red Sox could sign Josh Beckett. How's that working out? I'll tell you how. Beckett's ERA is 4.86. (Have I mentioned that my .339 average leads the team?) Beckett has been struggling, while I'm becoming the double king of the east coast! But who gets all the publicity? Beckett.

I know how you people like to compare us to the Yankees, so let's compare me to their third baseman, okay? Hell, Alex Rodriguez is only hitting .266 with a measly four doubles. Do you know how many doubles I have? SEVENTEEN! Not such a big deal...except that it IS since I'm leading the freaking league right now!

So where is the love? Where is the respect? Most importantly...where the hell are the groupies?

No, seriously. Where are they? I spent Friday night watching NESN's midnight replay of the game. I was awesome! Instead of sitting in front of the television letting my cat eat out of the tv dinner tray, I should have been surrounded by beautiful women. But was I? No. Lenny Dinardo can barely get the ball over the plate...the women are all over him. Kevin Youkilis? Looks like a bald troll doll...can't take five steps away from Fenway without tripping over some gal throwing herself at him.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?????

I'm sorry. It was a long day at Fenway and in 24 hours I'll be sitting in a hotel room in New York, preparing for my first foray into Yankee Stadium in a Red Sox uniform. I'm a little stressed.

Maybe the New York chicks will know how to appreciate a real third basemen?

Or, I could become a Yankee killer. That'll get me some nice write-ups, my own funky t-shirts and all the Red Sox chickies I could ever want. That'll work.

I guess I can wait.

The Face of Red Sox Nation?

Every new baseball season there are always a new crop of ads on NESN that I usually find mildly amusing. It always tickles me to see the players doing ads the first few times you see it. Oh, by about the 1,000th time I heard Curt practicing his Boston accent or hitching a ride to "break a curse" it wasn't so amusing any longer.

I find myself chuckling this year over Wake ripping his shirt open to show a Sox t-shirt and holding up baby clothes he bought at the Yawkey Way Store, one upping Don Orsillo. I am still waiting for this year's Bob Store commercial, as last years put a smile on my face every time I saw it.

Now that being said there is a new commercial out there which has really struck a nerve with me. I've tried to ignore it all together but somehow I always seem to still catch the end of the commercial which is the worst part of all. The commercial in question is the new NESN commercial for Red Sox Nation. The one where they interview all these average Joes around Boston making comments about the Red Sox. The guys all look very average with a Sox jersey on or in fireman's gear. Then they show the women of Red Sox Nation. They're all dolled up and making comments about their beloved Sox team. So what is the problem?

Why aren't any of the women average looking wearing Red Sox gear or in uniform? I wouldn't mind if they had one young and gorgeous woman commenting but why all of them? I guess I thought that maybe NESN realized how large a proportion of Red Sox Nation were women. It irritates me that they are focusing their marketing campaign on men when we are such a large part of this baseball town. I know it is totally silly of me but when I see the Hazel Mae look alike at the end of the commercial saying "and then there's Manny being Manny", I just cringe.

Did he say "Firetruck"?

Today, J.J. Putz gave up a single to Jason Varitek in the 8th inning of the Sox/Mariners game that scored Trot Nixon and tied the game. NESN showed the replay of Putz's reaction about three times. He watched the ball not get caught and he clearly yelled "fuck"!

Let me repeat that. NESN showed the replay of this more than once.

In the ninth, Keith Foulke got himself into a heap of trouble and was seen, on screen, swearing at himself. When he was taken out of the game and had to watch Mike Timlin let an inherited runner score for the 367th time in his career, (That's not the exact number, just an educated guess. It's completely possible Mike Timlin has only let 365 inherited runners score. I'm not a nitpicker), Foulke let loose with a few choice word. Which NESN got on video for posterity. And, yet again, NESN showed it more than once.

I am far from a prude. Any one of my blogging compatriots here will tell you that. I have been known to use a colorful word or two in my day. So my issue isn't these players out there swearing. My issue is the networks covering them showing replay after replay of the players swearing. NESN isn't the only outlet guilty of this. Fox Sports is actually a bigger offender.

Let's go back to 2003. The ALDS was one for the keeping. Down 0-2 to start the series, the Red Sox forced a game five in Oakland against the A's. At various times throughout the game, Miguel Tejada could be heard using the most popular 12 letter swear in America. Starts with a 'mother' ends with a...well, you get the idea. Fox had the field miked and picked up Tejada's rants every time he started. Not once did they try to mask it and it, apparently, never occurred to anyone to shut off the microphones. Ironically, after Derek Lowe caught Terrence Long looking to clinch the win, he did his patented thigh slap and Tejada lost his mind. He was in the A's clubhouse after the game, literally crying, complaining "Derek Lowe is going to be paid back for that sign." He also went on about how his children were at that game and had to see him do that.

I'm sure the irony of Tejada's complaints was completely lost on him.

My favorite instance of television practically glorifying the swearing of baseball players, came in July of 2004. Red Sox fans refer to it as "THE game that changed it all". It is, of course, 'the fight' game. The game that sprouted the infamous ARod nickname "Dora" (soon to be replaced by "Slappy", but that's a story for another day). The long and short of it is that Bronson Arroyo hit ARod, ARod wasn't happy about it and told Mr. Arroyo so. Jason Varitek took it upon himself to walk Mr. Rod to first base, and they exchanged pleasantries. Urban legend has Tek saying something snarky to ARod (he claims he told him "in choice words" to take first base) which led Dora to let loose with the "Bring it on, -insert twelve letter swear word- , bring it on!" tirade that became so famous.

Which, as we all know, Mr. Tek did. And then some. And we saw this exchange on Fox, over and over and over again.

I know there are worse transgressions taking place in MLB these days, but I still have a point. The media wonders why we have these athletes with attitude. They wonder why there so many Albert Belles and so few Bill Muellers...and I think they all just need to take a look in the mirror to see why that is. Just stop being so hypocritical, that's all I ask.

And, yes, I see the irony in my calling THEM hypocrites. And I'm perfectly fine with that.

Mr. Usher, I Have a Complaint

At the beginning of each game, the Fenway Park announcer and the electronic scoreboard announce a special security hotline that fans can call from their cell phones to report someone who is interfering with their enjoyment of the game. That's what they say, "If someone is interfering with your enjoyment of the game, call the Fenway Park security hotline," or something very close to that.

So picture, if you will, the following scenario. I'm at last Saturday's game vs. the Mariners, it's the bottom of the second, no score, and Seattle's Joel Piñeiro has loaded the bases with nobody out. And the crowd goes wild, until this happens:

• Alex Gonzalez strikes out looking.
• Adam Stern strikes out swinging.
• Alex Cora grounds out to second.

Really, nobody could have blamed me at that moment if I had called that special security hotline. "Hello, Fenway Park security hotline? Joel Piñeiro is interfering with my enjoyment of the game!" Click.

Later I asked my game companion and blog-mate, Beazer, if she thought anyone had ever made such a call to the special security hotline. We laughed about it at the time, but in retrospect there were actually several moments throughout the afternoon that I considered to be very good reasons to make that call. Among them:

• The sexist pig sitting next to me who insisted that Wily Mo Peña's ground rule double (the one that hit the warning track before bouncing into the bullpen) was really a home run. He stuck to his story despite my patient and repeated explanations to the contrary, right up until the man in front of him said the same thing. Excuse me, but did he not notice that I was keeping a meticulous scorecard while the yahoo in front of him was acting like an adolescent with his friends?


• Josh Bard and his two passed balls in the top of the third.


• The Johnny Damon butt boy behind us who wouldn't stop pontificating about how "real fans" won't boo Damon when he returns to Fenway as a Yankee. Um, yes, we will. He is no longer Johnny Damon; he is Judas Demon.


• Everyone who just had to get up and go to the concession stands every stinkin' time the Red Sox were at bat. Hello, people, are you paying absolutely no attention to the game?


• Adam Stern, 0-for-4 with three strikeouts. That's what you get for playing during Passover, you heathen.


• The "fan" who triumphantly started throwing around a beach ball the size of Neptune, designed to obstruct the view of the greatest possible number of people. It took seven seconds for it to drift over about a few sections, and then I never saw it again, which was justice.


• Carl Everett. Just because.

On the other hand, Tim Wakefield did manage to keep us in the game, I didn't spill my beer even once, and the weather was a sunny 65° at game time. And even if it weren't, a bad day at the ballpark is better than a good day almost anywhere else.

What If Baseball Games Were Scored Like Diving or Ski Jumping?

Here's the line score from last night's game:

	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	R
TOR	0	6	0	0	1	1	0	0	0	8
BOS	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	2	3	6

Now suppose each team's highest and lowest scoring innings are thrown out. That would give us:

	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	R
TOR	X	X	0	0	1	1	0	0	0	2
BOS	1	X	0	0	0	0	0	2	X	3

That would be one way around Matt Clement's tendency to choose one inning per game in which to implode.

How NOT to Heckle

Let's say you have some money burning a hole in your pocket. Then let's say you spend that money on a baseball ticket. If you go that far, you're probably going to want to actually go to the game.

But then what? What to do once you're actually sitting in a major league baseball stadium?

There really are only three options:

1. Watch the game
2. Drink heavily (usually accompanied by eating heavily)
3. Heckle. Doesn't matter who. The players, the umps, the coaches or managers...just pick a victim and stick to it.

The first two are no-brainers. Any run of the mill fan can become good at them. But number three? Ah, there are some rules you should follow if you want to come across as a first-rate heckler and not some know-nothing, baseball heckling virgin.

So let's go over some things you shouldn't say while heckling, lest you want to sound ridiculous.

"Throw Strikes!"

This is obviously directed at the pitcher. Now, if the pitcher needs you to tell him to 'throw strikes', he shouldn't be out there in the first place, should he? The only good part about hearing the 'throw strikes' heckle is the inevitable response from another fan who is sick of your stupid ranting - "Why didn't HE think of that?".

"You're a bum (insert name of former MVP, Gold Glove, Silver Slugger, Cy Young winner here) !"*

Through 2005, Manny Ramirez had a career batting average of .314, over 1400 rbi, over 1900 hits, scored almost 1200 runs and had an on base percentage of .409. He is not a bum. He is a pain in the ass who could make a little old schoolmarm swear like a sailor when he starts his "Manny being Manny"crap, but he is not a bum. Yelling "You're a bum, Manny" because he strikes out against a pitcher who is striking everyone out during the second week of the season makes you look like a horse's ass.

Besides, Manny can't hear you. And if he could, he'd just smile and wave like those penguins in "Madagascar".

"Yankees Suck!"

Wait...that's always a good one. At least when the Yankees are playing your team. Or if a Yankees fan does something stupid like, you know, look at you.

"You should have had that!"

"No shit? Really? Was I supposed to catch that? Why don't they teach us these things in practice?"

And, the red-headed cousin of "You should have had that", "What were you swinging at?".

If you don't know what he's swinging at, I'm pretty sure you're at the wrong sporting event.

Be creative people. If you have to be an ass at the game, make it original. Give us something to remember you by after we get security to kick your drunk, ignorant, never played a day of baseball but think you can do better than the professionals, ass out of the park.

* Even Alex Rodriguez is NOT a bum. He's a bush league punk who only cares about padding his stats and couldn't care less what the rest of his team is doing...but by no means is he a 'bum'.