You had to know a phone call was coming

(Groggily) Mmmm?
Bronson, it's Lenny. Did I wake you up?
(Still groggy) Mmmmhmmm.
Dude! It's three-o'clock in the afternoon!
What's your point?
Whatever...I have a question.
Make it fast, Len, I didn't sleep the entire time I was in Boston...
Uh, yeah, Boston was what I wanted to ask you about. I don't know how to say this so, oh what the hell...Bronson, are you high?
Loaded question, bro.
No, I mean, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?


Aw, that? Dude, I explained that! It was a JOKE. I sang about getting out of Cincinnati and going back to Boston. Get it?
Bronson?
Yeah?
Do you want to get out of Cincinnati and go back to Boston?
Well...yeah.
Then, dude, it isn't a joke, it's the truth. And it's really unfair to all the fans in Cincinnati. You're the number two starter there, B. You need to start focusing on being a Reds player and stop obsessing on being a Red SOX player. That ship has sailed, dude. That ship has sailed. The Cincinnati fans love you. You need to love them back.
:thinks:
Bron?
Hmm...
Are you thinking about the Cincinnati fans?
Yep.
Aaaaand?
Do you think I could get the Cincinnati fans to talk Theo into bringing me back?
I gotta go, Bron. I'll talk to you in April.
:sings:

:weeps: Oh man! I really miss Boston too!

A Cell Phone Rings in Oakland

Dude...answer the phone, I really need someone to talk to...

Duuude, you've reached Lenny Dinardo! I'm not here right now because I'm gearing up for my STARTING gig on Tuesday night against Texas. That's right, bitches! Lenny Dinardo is in the starting rotation thank to his 1.83 ERA! Leave me a message and if I don't get too drunk after my win Tuesday night, I'll call you back!

Beeeeeeeep!

1.83 ERA? No way! I miss the good old days.


To be continued...(Hopefully, right after Lenny's win on Tuesday!)

A cell phone rings in Cincinnati

::stares at his phone:: Come on, Bronson, I know you're there!
::answers the phone with a heavy sigh:: Hey, Len.
Bronson, man, CONGRATULATIONS! $25 million more with two more years. TWENTY FIVE MILLION! Way to go, man!
Thanks.
Thanks? That's it? Thanks? Bronson, aren't you happy?
Happy? Yeah, I guess so.
You don't sound happy. Are you drunk?
No, I'm not drunk. I'm just sitting here reading my new contract.
Dude, how cool is that? The Reds hooked you up until 2010 and threw stupid money at you!!! You should buy Theo a fruit basket.
A fruitbasket? Lenny, I just signed a contract that practically guarantees I'll spend the next five years in Cincinnati. CINCINNATI.
For an extra twenty-five million dollars, dude!
Lenny, you've never been to Cincinnati, have you?
Well, no. I've flown OVER it though. It looks nice.
(sighs) I guess.
Hey, they have the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, there!

Lenny, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is in Cleveland.
I knew that. (long pause) Hey, Bron, look at it this way, 2o1o is in three years. By then you could throw out your shoulder or get hit in the head with a line drive!
Well, at least I have that going for me.
Don't be sad, Bronson. Think of all that money you're going to make.
I know, Len. But now that I've signed this extension, I realize that money isn't everything:

(Photo by Matthew Bower)

Related Entries:
A cell phone rings in the middle of the night... (Part 1)
A cell phone rings in the middle of the night... (Part 2)
A cell phone rings late in the afternoon...
A cell phone rings in a lonely hotel room...
Somewhere in Kansas City, a cell phone rings...
A cell phone rings in Boston

With props (or apologies) to Surviving Grady and The Dugout.

(Beazer's note: I'm both sad and happy about this. So right now, this is the best I can do. Kick some ass in Cincinnati, B. - Or, suck it big time so that Krivsky wants to trade you! That would work too!)