A Cell Phone Rings One Morning in Oakland...

(rubbing eyes) What the...Hello?
(pause) Yeah, uh, DiNardo?
Yeah, who's this?
It's Roy Halladay, calling from Toronto.
Halladay? Crap, man, what time is it?
Well let's see, it's 7:30 here, I guess that makes it, what, about 4:30 where you are?
4:30? In the morning?! F-ing A...
Hey, I'm really sorry, DiNardo. I didn't know who else to call.
Why would you call anyone so early in the morning? And why are you calling me?
DiNardo, I need your help. I'm...well, I'm struggling right know. Maybe you heard, I kinda, um, last night I sort of, um... (sigh)
C'mon man, I don't know what your problem is, but I hardly know you. What do I have to do with anything that happened to you last night?
Well, here's the thing. We played the Red Sox, and well, they knocked me around a bit.
Oh, the Red Sox game. (chuckling) Yeah, I heard about that.
See, here's the problem. I'm just not accustomed to this kind of adversity. It was bad enough that I gave up (mumble) runs in five innings...
Sorry, I didn't get that... say again?
I said, I gave up (mumble) runs in five innings...
How many runs?
Eight, OK? I gave up EIGHT RUNS. There, I said it. Are you happy now? (uncontrolled sobbing)
Oh, jeez, don't go crying. Halladay, I'm serious, stop it. Please. You're embarrassing yourself.
I can't help it, I just don't know... (sniff) I just don't know what to do. Why is this happening to our team? Why is this happening to me? Where do I go from here? What's the meaning of life? I'm just so...so...afraid. (more sobbing)
Oh, man. OK, what the hell... What are you afraid of, Halladay?
I'm afraid my teammates will turn on me like, um... I don't know how to put this gently, DiNardo, but I'm afraid they might do something mean, like, maybe... Well, remember that time you got locked in my foot locker? I'm afraid of something like that!
What? How did you know about that?
Uh, DiNardo, everybody knows about it. Your buddy Arroyo got wasted after the All-Star game last year and sang a song about it. Between the story and his voice, man, we couldn't stop laughing...
Now wait just a minute. Are you telling me that this has become my reputation in major league baseball? Getting shut into the so-called Great Doc Halladay's foot locker? Son of a... In case you haven't noticed, Halladay, while you're licking your wounds, I'm having a great year. I have an ERA under 2, I'm striking guys out, just last night I pitched a lights-out ninth. It has finally come together for me. Just because you're apparently on the down side, and just because my former best friend is a fink, doesn't give you the right to wake me up in the middle of the freakin' night—it's 4:30, for chrissake! Man, am I pissed. I'm gonna kill Bronson.
Hey, I didn't mean to insult you or anything. All I wanted was some sympathy.
Well you won't get any from me. Call the Yankees. (click)
(sigh) It's lonely at the bottom. (hangs up the phone)

He's Dead to Me...and He aint NO Texan.

Today I am turning in my fan membership card, my loyalty, my love ... I'm throwing it out the window as I drive down Hwy 20 out here in Sweetwater, Texas, home of the Rattlesnake Round-Up. It seemed an appropriate place for it. The legend, the icon, the idol I had so loved finally showed his true colors to me...and they weren't red, white and blue...they were pinstriped....just like a con-man should be dressed.

That certificate signifies if you are a Native Texan....meaning you were born in my glorious state. Yes...I am a bit proud of my state, that I do NOT hide. BUT I just want my New England friends to know and realize 2 things: Bush and Clemens ARE NOT NATIVE TEXANS!!!! I repeat....hell I cant even write his name again.

Today I am renouncing Roger's Texan Card....he and Andy can make out all they want. I hope the fat lard falls on his face and embarrasses himself. You Sistahs have been so patient and sweet about my love for him. You understood and loved the fact I stayed when he left...and I do appreciate it...but JEEEEEEEEEEEZUSSSSSSSS.....why didn't someone bitch SLAP ME????

By the way...his pic is down from myspace....I am contemplating what goes in its place as to my reason of WHY I am a Red Sox Fan....any suggestions???

TRUE DIEHARD RED SOX FAN

Welcome Back, Lenny. Come to Mama.

The A's are coming! The A's are coming!

It isn't just that the Sox are home, where they enjoy a slightly better record than they do on the road; or that they have their number one and two starters going for them in Curt Schilling tonight and Josh Beckett tomorrow; or even that they have a chance to improve their already major league best record against a team that is currently a game under .500 and has lost six of their last ten games. In addition to all that, this series is a milestone event:

Lenny DiNardo's triumphant return to Fenway Park.

It doesn't seem possible that it has been more than three years since I took this picture at spring training, showed it to my sistahs, and declared the Rule 5 draftee to be hotter than the southwest Florida sun. Some sistahs never did fully appreciate the Wonder That Is Lenny, but I stuck by him through thick and thin—and even I am a big enough person to admit that there was plenty of thin while he was in Boston. But my loyalty has paid off. Not only is Lenny as adorable as ever, but he's pitching like a man who is desperately trying to impress certain people who have never given him the respect he deserves. Just take a look at his 2007 numbers to date:

5 games, 9.l innings, 8 hits, 1 walk, 2 earned runs, 5 strikeouts
1.93 ERA, 0.96 WHIP, .235 opponents batting average

I'm not the only one who has noticed his renaissance. Lenny earned a shout out from Jeff Horrigan in today's Boston Herald. I don't know if Jeff appreciates the tall, dark, and handsome one in quite the same way I do, but if not, the man love is good too.

So here's my fantasy, so to speak, for the next two games: the Red Sox jump on Oakland starters Joe Blanton and Chad Gaudin early, taking a big lead and knocking them out after, oh, four or five innings. Hot Stuff comes on in relief for the next two to three innings, pitching brilliantly but in vain, as Sox pitchers fail to surrender the lead. Oh, and he occasionally bends down to use the rosin bag or tie his cleats, at which times the NESN camera operators give us nice shots of his backside. Boston wins, Lenny lowers his ERA even further, and there's some eye candy for me and Jeff Horrigan, if he goes that way. It's a win-win.

And maybe tomorrow, certain people will have seen the error of their ways and start being a little nicer to Mr. DiNardo. Not that I'm holding my breath.

The Triumphant Red Sox Fan's and Beazer's Ride to Fenway Today

(Photo from Howard David Johnson)

A Perfect Ending

Sunday night I finally had a chance to actually watch an entire Red Sox game without falling asleep and I find myself yelling at the TV in the eighth inning as I watch the bull pen let Schilling's great outing start slip sliding away. Then Jonathan Papelbon runs to the mound and seeing his display of confidence makes it impossible not to believe that he will deliver us from evil. Fifteen pitches later and Paps has stopped the bleeding and the Sox have taken one from those pesky Rangers.

Jonathan has been able to wipe away my pent up frustration at ESPN airing the game later than I like and having to listen to Joe Morgan with such an economy of pitches, it has made me absolutely giddy. I live for this.

The first weeks schedule of so many day games and then late games has been less than ideal. Now the weather looks like it will not be very cooperative in the opening week at Fenway but I can live with it all now that I've seen that Jonathan is back as our closer and better than ever. He is a force to be reckoned with and I'm so happy he is one of the Red Sox 25.

Also to be noted is that this is the 40th anniversary of the 1967 team also known as the "cardiac kids". That was the year I fell head over heals over the Red Sox and have been hooked ever since. It would be cool if our 2007 team can bring us some of that same excitement that we had in 1967. I only hope my aging heart can take it. I'm more than willing to give it a shot.

A Question from Tim Wakefield to his Teammates

Is it so damned terrible to ask for a little run support before I die?

(Photo from "Mr. Versatility: The Tim Wakefield Fan Page")

It's a Strong Man's Game

Leave it to Big Papi to come up with the ultimate t-shirt. Alot of people I know think baseball is boring....plain boring they say. Many innings go by without anything happening. But I say that is where Papi's tshirt saying comes in. Baseball takes patience...something not alot of men (no offense) have. SO baseball IS a Strong Man's Game...takes alot of patience and strong willed attitudes to get through men batting just to ground or fly out. Knowing that one of those hits will result in a grand slam, inside the park homer or a walk-off....is worth the wait. Big Papi has the right idea...he understands...it just takes patience.

Well I've been waiting since October....and I'm ready for baseball. I'm ready for the boys to play. I'm ready for Opening Day in Texas where Wake will take the ball. I'm ready for a new season....I think Dice-K was asked about the upcoming season...

His Response? "I'm Ready..."

nuff said....Let the Games Begin!

Goodbye boys!

Yesterday started out for me like many other days. I went out for my morning walk at 8 a.m. When I got home I didn't change out of my walking clothes, didn't shower, didn't fix my hair, didn't put on any make-up and didn't brush my teeth. Aren't you glad you weren't with me yesterday? I didn't realize until my sister (affectionately known as SoxCruiser around here) called me at 5 p.m. and asked how I was that I realized I was feeling a bit depressed.

You see, I'm a spring training season ticket holder and I attended my last game of the spring on Thursday. Most people look forward to the end of spring training and the beginning of a new season but it means I don't get to spend any more gorgeous days sitting in the stands at City of Palms Park watching my favorite team play baseball. I like to get there for the National Anthem and I don't leave until they are playing Dirty Water or the song with the words "so you had a bad day". I don't know who sings it or the name of the song but that's what they play at COPP when the Sox lose....or even if they end in a tie like they did on Thursday.

I love to watch all the new guys who have joined the Red Sox in the off season and all the minor leaguers who get the chance to play with the major leaguers. Every spring for the last 3 years I wait for the appearance of Iggy Suarez. I saw him get his first hit at COPP and he was so excited he stayed around to sign autographs after the game. This year he didn't come into a game until the last couple of games. He's listed on the roster for the Lancaster JetHawks (A) who used to be located in Wilmington, Delaware. Forget keeping track of the players, I can't even keep track of where the teams are playing from year to year.

Usually I can look forward to a trip up to Tropicana Field to watch the Sox in April or May but this year the Sox aren't heading back south until the end of July! By that time I will have made my pilgrimage up to Fenway in the middle of July. So, for now, I'll put away my Sox earrings, my "B" necklace, my "B" sneakers, and my two jerseys (Schilling and Matsuzaka) until July. On Monday, April 2 my depression will lift as another exciting season of baseball begins. I have a good feeling about this year but I say that every year. This year the Sox won more games in spring training since 2004. They Sox also won the Mayor's Cup this year. The Sox and Twins play each other 5 times during spring training and the team who wins the most games wins the Mayor's Cup. The last time the Sox won the Mayor's Cup.....2004. These are signs of good things to come this year.

Go Sox in 2007!

What's he selling now?

Pete Rose doesn't have a new book to sell, so why - all of a sudden - does he go on the Dan Patrick Show today and admit that, not only did he bet on baseball, he bet on the Reds - "every night".

Is he so thoroughly stupid that he thinks admitting this now will bring MLB and the fans who don't want to see his face on a plaque at the Baseball Hall of Fame around?

I've maintained all along that if Rose was the derelict gambler he was proven to be, there was no way he didn't bet on the Reds while he was managing them. That alone is a good enough reason for me to NOT put his mug in the Hall of Fame.

A commenter to the story I linked to called Rose a "pathological liar". I have to agree. For years he refused to acknowledge he gambled. Then he admitted to gambling when it was going to make him money (through book sales) and now he's admitting to betting on the Reds during an interview with Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann. What's in it for him this time?

"Everything should be for the fans", Rose said when talking about letting him back into baseball. So he would get nothing from being reinstated...it would all be to make the fans happy.

That sound you hear is Sox Sistah Booklady's head exploding.

Apparently the only benefit Rose wants to enjoy by being allowed back into MLB, is being a manager again. Out of every benefit he could gain, that is the one that bothers me the most. A gambler (in essence, a cheater) a liar...why would we want that man shaping the lives of young players?

On a totally personal and biased note, the man turn my stomach. I hope deeply that this man is never allowed back into Major League Baseball. With all the problems MLB has been having, bringing Rose back into the loop will only serve to push fans away with it being more proof that the commissioner has no concern for what is truly good for baseball.

I hope Rose lives a long and miserable life and never sees the day when he's allowed back into the MLB fold.

Top Ten Reasons Why Manny will be Late to Spring Training

Courtesy of good friend and honorary-sistah-for-the-day, TruBluSoxFan. (NOTE: For those who don't already know, Tru is actually a brothah.)

10. Manny doesn't use the Gregorian calendar.

9. Julian said it would be funny.

8. Manny fell asleep inside his Green Monster repro.

7. Manny hyper-extended his index finger practicing "the point."

6. "Petey called and got me all confused. Again."

5. He strained his right hammy on his left knee.

4. Manny can't decide what hair style to wear this season.

3. "I don't know how to program my new Tom Tom for Ft. Myers."

2. "I'm getting a note from Genske; he said it worked before."

1. "No way the new Japanese dude upsets my entrance."

Rally Against Cancer

Many of the sistahs have personal experience with the Jimmy Fund and Dana Farber. Because of this along with their connection to the Red Sox, we try our best to support Dana Farber and the Jimmy Fund any chance we get.

So when we received an email about the "Rally Against Cancer Day", we decided to start a 'team' to support the Jimmy Fund.

We've set the bar at $500 for donations we'd like to raise - but will be thrilled if we surpass that.

The details of the 'competition', straight from the Jimmy Fund's website:

Join Kevin Youkilis, Red Sox Nation and your colleagues in battling cancer by participating in Rally Against Cancer Day on April 10th. Your participation in this program is critical and simple. I would like to invite you to join our team by giving $5 to the Jimmy Fund and, in return, you will be able to wear your favorite Red Sox apparel to work on Opening Day. Not everyone can be at Fenway Park on April 10th, but this is a great way for you to join your colleagues in showing support for the Red Sox, while rallying to help the life-saving mission of the Jimmy Fund.

To join our team, simply log on here. Once there, join our team by selecting the ‘Start or Join a team’ option. Our team is listed as Sox Sistahs (or you can go directly here to see our page.The team that raises the most money will be paid a visit from Kevin Youkilis himself, so join and spread the word about this great event with a great cause!

Okay, so we aren't sure how a visit from Youk would work out if our team DOES win, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there!

Thanks for the support!

If Beazer Writes a Phone Call about This, I'm Gonna Smack Her

Farewell, Lenny.

Dear Lenny, sexy Lenny, guitar playing Lenny, "Do Me Lenny."

Rule 5 Lenny, lefty out of the 'pen Lenny, 7.85 ERA in '06 Lenny, still has a World Series ring Lenny.

Favorite of the sistahs Lenny, gets no respect from Beazer Lenny, just friends with Bronson Lenny.

A haiku for Lenny:

Though heading westward
Lenny will forever be
Object of my lust

It just won't be the same without him.

But Who's That Other Guy?

(I posted this earlier on the Triumphant Red Sox Blog but thought it would fit over here, too.

It's a warm Tuesday in Fort Myers. All eyes (and cameras) are on Daisuke Matsuzaka as the new multi-billion-yen pitcher arrives at the Red Sox' training complex for the first time. The frenzied media capture his every move, his every gesture. Here's Daisuke, Nike duffel in hand, walking from his black Cadillac to the clubhouse. Here's Daisuke talking to some of the staff. Daisuke stretching his arm. Daisuke stretching his hammy. Daisuke running, throwing, smiling, laughing. It's The Daisuke Show, the 26-year-old righty and an audience of a hundred or so of his closest media buddies.

Wait a minute, there is one picture that shows someone else. Clearly, there is some mistake. That guy isn't famous. No one recognizes him. Is he a player? He looks about 16. A clubhouse boy, maybe? The guy who sweeps the sunflower shells out of the dugout after everyone is gone?

No, it's Matsuzaka's unlikely co-star in the spectacle, catcher George Kottaras, who according to the Boston Globe's Gordon Edes was tapped with no notice or fanfare to play catch with the newcomer. Timing is everything, and today Kottaras is the guy who walks into a Hollywood coffee shop and gets discovered by a television director looking for just the right face. The guy who stops at the convenience store on the way home to pick up a gallon of milk and, hey, while he's there, buys a lottery quick-pick that comes up a winner the next day. The guy who, in too much of a rush coming out of the hotel elevator, bumps into the woman of his dreams.

Yesterday, Kottaras had been working all morning on catching drills with Gary Tuck, the new Sox bullpen coach, when Edward "Pookie" Jackson, one of the Sox clubhouse men, stuck in his head and said Matsuzaka was looking for someone to play catch with.

"'OK,' I said," Kottaras said. "'It doesn't matter. I'll do it.'"

Way to play it cool, George.

They stretched, Matsuzaka did some light jogging and twists, and then he grabbed a ball and trotted 20 yards or so from Kottaras. Originally, that was supposed to be the media's cue to depart; Matsuzaka had conveyed to the Sox that he wanted his first game of catch to be private. But, evidently, he relented, because for the next 10 minutes or so, a ball passed back and forth between the two rookies — the catcher making the big league minimum, the pitcher with a $103 million price tag hanging from his sleeve. Kottaras said the sound of whirring cameras never stopped.

And that is the beauty of spring training. The superstar works alongside the guy with "upside" (translation: the hope that great potential will someday be fulfilled). It hardly matters that the gulf between them is millions of dollars, the difference between every media member knowing your name versus having to ask the security guy who that skinny dark-haired kid with the glove is. At spring training, none of that matters. They're just two players, less than three years apart in age, having a catch. Maybe later, they'll throw back a couple beers together.

The photographers don't get that. To them, there is The Next Big Thing and then there's the guy who got into the picture by accident. But to those of us who go to spring training to see the players, all the players, the chance to check out the young unknowns is almost as big a deal as the chance to see Daisuke's gyroball. It's the younger guys who will be signing autographs, posing for pictures with school kids who are thrilled to meet a real-life professional ballplayer. It's the younger guys who we'll remember five years down the road when we're flipping through an old scorebook saying, Remember when we saw so-and-so in his first major league camp and now he's an all-star? Or even, Remember so-and-so who had so much promise? I wonder if he's still in baseball.

Maybe Kottaras will become the target of the cameras, a franchise player, someone whose jersey is popular at the souvenir stands. But if not, he has had something most young prospects will never enjoy: a moment in the spotlight. No matter where his career goes from here, I'm sure he'll look back on this experience and smile.

A Letter from a Friend

Dear Johnny Damon (or can I just call you Johnny?):

You and me, we have a lot in common. We both have World Series rings. We both are misunderstood by the media and the fans. And we both love wrestling!

We're soul brothers. Made for each other. So I was thinking about a way to bring the two of us together. Not in a gay way (although I hear some ladies dig that. Maybe there's some money in it for us?) but like real brothers. And because you're my brother, I have an offer that I know you'll love. What's say you go on TNA with me and David Eckstein? (Hey, he has a World Series ring too! We're like TRIPLETS!)

All you have to do is whack a few guys with folding chairs (Dale Torborg sure can take a hit! His dad is so proud!) and look mean. It'll be fun and we'll make a boatload of money doing it. The people, they LOVE wrestling!

This will give you a chance to show the fans in New York and Boston that you aren't some weak-armed, money-hungry, egomaniac looking for any opportunity to whore yourself out to the masses.

This will give you a chance to show the fans in New York and Boston that even though you throw like a girl and your shoulder and foot are thisclose to falling apart, you aren't afraid to get yourself beat up in a fake wrestling match just to score some publicity and some wrestler-loving ass a week before spring training begins.

It'll be fun.

(And did I mention the money?)

Oh yeah, and Johnny, one last thing, if it's all right with you, the guys at TNA asked me to make sure you don't actually, you know, say anything when you're on screen. Some people still think wrestling is real and we don't want to ruin the illusion with your acting skills.

Hope to see you on Sunday!

Your good friend (but not in the gay way unless we get paid for it),

AJ Pierzynski

A cell phone rings in Cincinnati

::stares at his phone:: Come on, Bronson, I know you're there!
::answers the phone with a heavy sigh:: Hey, Len.
Bronson, man, CONGRATULATIONS! $25 million more with two more years. TWENTY FIVE MILLION! Way to go, man!
Thanks.
Thanks? That's it? Thanks? Bronson, aren't you happy?
Happy? Yeah, I guess so.
You don't sound happy. Are you drunk?
No, I'm not drunk. I'm just sitting here reading my new contract.
Dude, how cool is that? The Reds hooked you up until 2010 and threw stupid money at you!!! You should buy Theo a fruit basket.
A fruitbasket? Lenny, I just signed a contract that practically guarantees I'll spend the next five years in Cincinnati. CINCINNATI.
For an extra twenty-five million dollars, dude!
Lenny, you've never been to Cincinnati, have you?
Well, no. I've flown OVER it though. It looks nice.
(sighs) I guess.
Hey, they have the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, there!

Lenny, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is in Cleveland.
I knew that. (long pause) Hey, Bron, look at it this way, 2o1o is in three years. By then you could throw out your shoulder or get hit in the head with a line drive!
Well, at least I have that going for me.
Don't be sad, Bronson. Think of all that money you're going to make.
I know, Len. But now that I've signed this extension, I realize that money isn't everything:

(Photo by Matthew Bower)

Related Entries:
A cell phone rings in the middle of the night... (Part 1)
A cell phone rings in the middle of the night... (Part 2)
A cell phone rings late in the afternoon...
A cell phone rings in a lonely hotel room...
Somewhere in Kansas City, a cell phone rings...
A cell phone rings in Boston

With props (or apologies) to Surviving Grady and The Dugout.

(Beazer's note: I'm both sad and happy about this. So right now, this is the best I can do. Kick some ass in Cincinnati, B. - Or, suck it big time so that Krivsky wants to trade you! That would work too!)

Andre, Cory and Luis

In my previous blog about my first Trot Nixon sighting, I mention being at Fenway Park on September, 1, 1993 for batting practice. I was also still at Fenway Park at 1:30 a.m.! There was a long rain delay that night and the game went into extra innings but the Rangers beat the Red Sox 5-3 in 12 innings. There weren't many people left in the park when the game ended. It also happened to be Nolan Ryan's last visit to Fenway and the fans gave him a huge standing ovation.

Okay, now to Andre Dawson, Cory Bailey and Luis Ortiz.

That summer my sister had access to the family room at Fenway Park because she babysat the trainer's children during the games for a couple of weeks. After the game (at 1:30 a.m.) we were waiting to say goodbye to Charley (the trainer)in the family room. There were only two other families (okay, we weren't family but no one knew that) waiting in the family room. Andre Dawson's wife and two little girls were there. I'm assuming the children had been sleeping during the game but they were wide awake now and cute as could be. Andre walked in and my first impression of him was that he had very long, very skinny legs and he was hobbling when he walked. His knees were so bad by then that when his little girls ran up to him, it was difficult for him to bend down to pick them up. His huge smile absolutely lit up his face when he saw those two munchkins.

The other people in the family room were the mother and father of Cory Bailey. He never became a very good pitcher but on September 1, 1993, he made his pitching debut for the Red Sox and the first batter he had to face in a tie ballgame was Juan Gonzalez. Yikes! Talk about getting thrown to the vultures! Cory got out of the inning without allowing a base runner. I swear he floated into the family room that night. His parents asked what it was like facing Juan Gonzalez and he said, "he looked 10 feet tall from only 60 feet away".

Accompanying Cory Bailey was Luis Ortiz. He's another player who came and went through the Red Sox organization in a couple of years. He'd made his Red Sox debut the night before on August 31, 1993. He came to bat 3 times and got two hits and an RBI. The Sox only scored one run that night. Luis was still floating on air from his major league debut. As everyone was filing out of the family room to the parking lot, I congratulated Luis on his good first game. I'm sure he figured I was someones mother (I am but not the mother of a Red Sox player) and he turned around and grabbed my hand saying "thank you, thank you very much! It was really exciting!"

There isn't a huge point to this blog except to get a little insight into the lives of the baseball players that most of us don't get to see. I'm one of the old fans so I can relate to watching Youk's Mom shouting from the stands watching her son hit a home run for his first major league hit. I know how proud Cory Bailey's parents were that night. I've watched Trot Nixon's son, Chase, stand along the wall that's in front of his spring training seat, with his head in his hands as he watches every pitch of the game intently. I think we may see him playing in the major leagues in 20 years or so. I go to all the spring training games and I like to stay after the 7th inning to watch the young guys getting their chance to play with some of the major league players. I saw Iggy Suarez get his first hit and then he stayed after the game to sign autographs.

I've rambled long enough. I also apologize for the picture placement being wacky but it's the best someone who is almost computer illiterate can do.