Clearing the Air

Hey folks! S'up? Lenny Dinardo here. Yeah, I know I'm not a 'sistah', but the way my name gets bandied about around here I figured it was high time I hijacked this blog and defended my good name!

Yeah, I said 'bandied'! What of it?

Anyhow, first things first. I wanted to apologize for, you know, sucking the entire time I was up with the Red Sox this season. It wasn't exactly how I planned for things to go. I figured with Bronson gone it would be my time to shine. Boy was I wrong!

Crap! I couldn't even get through the first few paragraphs without mentioning the "B" word. Sorry. It won't happen again.

See, I didn't know I sucked. Okay, I kind of knew I sucked, but tell me this, which one of YOU would give up the opportunity to pitch in the bigs for the Boston Friggin' Red Sox, just because you stunk? I don't see any hands. I didn't think so. So off my back please.

You know, I've been doing a lot more this off-season than just talking to Bronson. (DAMMIT!)

I went to Arizona to pitch out of the bullpen for the Peoria Javelinas. The season is over now, but I came out of it with a 1-0 record and a 2.70 ERA. Oh yeah, and in 10 games I struck out 16 batters.

SIXTEEN! Eat THAT Kyle Snyder! You Bronson wannabe.

Crap.

Okay, back to baseball. What do you all think of this Matsuzaka dude, huh? When I first heard about him I thought his name was Matt Suzaka and I'd have someone to hit the North End with, but then David Pauley explained it all. $51.11 million? Damn, for that amount of money I would have had that surgery, er, I mean, that's a lot of money huh? Well, I'm not worried.

Should I be worried? Maybe I should call Bronson? (Shit!)

Speaking of phone calls, I got one that will interest you all! Manny called me today. Okay, he thought he was calling his dry cleaner, but still...he called ME! I'm pretty sure he won't be going anywhere. When I asked him about the trade rumors he wanted to know who was getting traded. I'm pretty sure we're safe.

Man, this blogging thing is tough. I don't know how these chicks do it! Let's see, what else did I want to say? Oh yeah, thanks to this blog and other strategically placed photos around the internet, there has been a lot of speculating about the nature of my relationship with Bronson. I just want people to know that we're friends...that's all. Like Joey and Chandler on "Friends". Except neither of us is as funny as Chandler. I don't know where people get the idea that we're anything other than that. Just because Bronson brought me presents from Japan doesn't mean anything. He probably brought something back for Dave Weathers too, that rat bastard.

My fingers are starting to hurt. All this typing better not affect my pitching, now that I'm back on track.

Well, in closing I'd just like to say, I never wanted to be a pitcher anyway, but it was the only way to stay close to Bronson.

I mean...

Aw, screw it!