From the home office in Oxford, Ohio, the top ten excuses the Yankees have for being in second place:
10. It's only July
9. Kei Igawa can only pitch effectively in months ending in 'pril.
8. Mike Mussina misses Randy Johnson.
7. The team prefers Liza's version of New York, New York over Frank's.
6. Joe Torre quit two months ago and was replaced by a wax replica.
5. Derek Jeter spent the better part of the first half online voting himself into the All Star Game.
4. ESPN hasn't been paying enough attention to them.
3. They're working on that "lovable loser" tag so their fans will appreciate them more when they do win.
2. Ever since the series in Toronto, strippers don't want to hang out with ARod
and the number one excuse the Yankees have for being in second place:
1. Well, damn, the Red Sox are just an all-around better team!